Unraveling Ava (Editing)

thirty five

Unedited

When I counted up my demons

Saw there was one for every day

With the good ones on my shoulders

I drove the other ones away

     I'm waking up again. I feel the light disturb my eyes but enough to open them. They still feel heavy and my body is sore.

   "I think she's waking up." I hear a familiar my voice, it's my dad. "Come on bug, please wake up. You're safe Ava. Just open your eyes. I know you can do it," he says gently. His hand touches mine, I try to ignore the sensation it gives me knowing it will make me cry.

     I don't want to wake up. I don't want to open my eyes to the realization that I'm still alive. I wasn't supposed to make it. I didn't everything, I wasn't supposed to survive.

   "Ava listen to the sound of my voice. It's me, your dad. I love you. Please wake up bug," he begs. I feel another hand grip mine making my body flinch. I shut my eyes tighter. His broken voice plays over and over in my head.

   "Honey, please wake up. It's mom. I know you're in there, just open your eyes Ava. Abre tus ojos por favor." Her thumb runs circles over the palm of my hand.

   "Bug, I'm so sorry. Please wake up." Why is he apologizing? None of this is his fault.

     I hear my mom begin to pray in Spanish. I remember when I was little I used to pray with her. She never wanted to enforce religion on me but when I asked her to teach me she was more than happy to. At first, I liked it. I was four and thought the idea of God and Heaven was beautiful. When I was six I started asking questions, questions my mom couldn't answer. It didn't make sense to me so I began reading and watching space documentaries. I stopped praying after that.

     My mom didn't care, she only wanted me to be happy. She asked me from time to time if I wanted to pray with her and sometimes I would say yes. I loved the sound of her voice as she spoke in Spanish. Her voice has always been so soft and sweet. She would always read me a book before tucking me into bed.

   "Mommy did you know that Earth is the densest planet in our Solar System?"

   "I had no idea! That's so cool Ava." I would always tell her about everything I learned during the day.

   "Mommy can we read Goodnight Moon with daddy please?" She kissed the top of my head and told me of course. My parents and I took turns reading each line.

   "Goodnight stars," dad said.

   "Goodnight air," mom followed.

   "Goodnight noises everywhere! The end." I clapped and begged for them to read me another book.

     I feel tears in my eyes and smile at the memory.

   "She's smiling Scott!"

   "Come on bug, we're right here with you. We're not going to let go, not anymore." That's all it took to open my eyes.

     Their arms wrap around me. I feel kisses on my cheeks and all around my face. Murmurs of I love you and tears follow. One by one we're all crying.

   "I love you so much Ava. Please don't ever do that to us again."

   "Hija, I love you. Gracias Dios mío! Thank you, God!"