Unraveling Ava (Editing)

seven

I wanted to dedicated this chapter to @UnsinkableShips her are pure art. I would sure recommend reading  James and Lyla, a very beautiful story, I'm sure a lot of you will love if you haven't read it yet.

 This chapter means a lot to me, it took a lot of effort to write and I almost broke down multiple times. Even if nobody reads it, it's fine because it's mine, it's means the world to me and it took a lot of courage and strength for me to put these emotions into words. That's all that really matters. 

The world is coming down on me

And I can't find a reason to be loved

I never wanna leave you

But I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

Edited

     I didn't expect to see Abdul standing by my front door when I arrived home. The last time I spoke to him was yesterday afternoon. He brought me homework like he did for the whole week and he was even able to sneak me a chocolate milkshake. During that time, we never talked about anything other than school work, I was always changing the topic and he eventually gave up. Yet here he is with that stupid, cute smile of his when he sees me walk out the car.

   "He's called this morning while you were in the hospital. He wanted to surprise you." Thanks for the heads-up mom.

     I still haven't established what my feelings for Abdul are. A part of me when I look at him wants to be in a normal relationship but then reality kicks in. I can never be in a normal relationship with Abdul or anyone no matter how much I want to. He deserves someone better than me, someone who can give him her all and make him happy. Not someone who will break his heart. I don't deserve him.

     I think the realization that I may, somewhat, have feelings for him hit me that night at the party. I been telling myself that it was the mixture of alcohol and drugs in my system, but I don't know. Maybe I'm just crazy, but seeing him right now is turning my stomach into knots and not in the good way.

   "Good afternoon Abdul, come in please." My mom invites Abdul in and thanks him again for saving me that night. After he says hello to Jamie I grab his hand and lead him upstairs to my bedroom.

   "So, you're not going to say hello to me hurricane?" He shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks his body back and forth. He's wearing a blue flannel shirt that looks incredible against his skin.

  No Ava, focus you need to end this now.

   "Hello."

   "Hello, to you too." He walks up to me and brings me in for a hug; he raises me a few feet off the floor as he keeps his arms secured around my waist. I bury my head in his neck. He smells like vanilla, why can't he smell like sweat and old clothes.

  Because he's Abdul.

   "It's really good to see you." He touches my cheek and keeps one hand on my waist.

   "You saw me yesterday."

   "I know, I mean out of a hospital gown." I let myself smile.

   "I'm sorry about that night Ava."

   "I thought we already established that it wasn't your fault. I don't blame you."

   "Your parents would if they knew the truth."