I guess it was true, the things i said to Chase that night. i hurt everyone i come into contact with. I'm a liar, a cheater. I'm all the worst things in life all combined into one person.
"Chase fucking stop. leave me alone. regardless if i miss you or not, it will never be the same. i don't want it to be us. you'll find someone 100 times as better than me, who'll love you unconditionally and not hurt you. i hurt everyone i come in contact with. so please just do this for you and leave me alone"
I didn't want to hurt people, or at least i'd like to think that. i mean look at me, i have three guys who are nice and sweet, and who care about me. i don't know why they do but they do and i'm still choosing between them. i had the perfect life with Ethan, but i guess that wasn't enough for me. i had to hurt another person i love. what the fuck is wrong with me? i don't want to be like this anymore. it'd honestly be better if i just left and never turned back. i loved the three of them so much, but it's for the better. Start a new life and never turn back? that sounded perfect. i wanted a fresh start. it's better for everyone. Julian, Chase, Ethan... Me.
i started my plan, i was going to relocate to New York.
easy right? i packed everything into the Suburban i had recently bought. my room was bare, everything hung on the walls was gone. The pictures, memories. everything was gone. i texted the only person who wouldn't tell Ethan, Addison.
B: I packed up everything and i'm leaving for New York. i trust you not to tell anyone, especially Ethan. i fucked up bad Addi. i have to restart. it's what's best for me, for them. i'm going to the airport now. i'll see you later...
As soon as i hit sent, my heart dropped. i felt so much adrenaline pumping through my veins. i started to write the 'letter' for Ethan.
Dear Ethan, I'm a coward. i know this, i couldn't do this to your face and that's fucked up i know. but know i love you so much. you're perfect, too perfect for me. you're too good for me. i'm walking chaos. Don't come looking for me. you won't find me. i'm gone for good. thank you for everything you did for me, i hurt everyone that i speak to, that i love. and you may not think that i've hurt you but i have and it's terrible. i'll see you whenever, in your case hopefully never. i love you E, bye
- Blaine
tears dropped onto the paper as i wrote the last line. i hated myself for this but it had to be done.
As soon as i landed i found a hotel to put all my bags in. I grabbed some cash i had left over and walked down to the walgreens across the street. i needed a new look. i purchased some bleach and blond hair dye. i needed to completely change my hair & my lifestyle. i enrolled at a local high school and began the process of my new and improved life. Now all I needed was a new name.
i've had so many people coming in & out of my house lately that i haven't been able to write because we've been busy & taking them to do touristy things and shit. but i'm back for now. of y'all want more updates follow my twitter @ slowdolans. OH BTW PSA it's a rly shitty edit of the hair bc im a piece of shit ocd bitch 🙄 literally spent my time editing that picture in done with myself LMFAO
k thanks bye
