Gravity

Chapter 45: Secrets

Trigger Warning: Graphic writing of depression, suicidal thoughts, and other actions are present in this chapter

Proceed with caution

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Chapter 45

Secrets

            "Hey," his voice was soft and, though it was the dead of the night, he looked unusually tired.

            "Are you okay?" I asked looking at his bloodshot eyes. He gave me a curt nod then gestured for us to sit on my bed.

            "I—" He paused and my heart pounded again my chest. A part of me thought that he was a mess, because he found out me and Joey were dating. A part of me thought that he came to admit he had feelings for me. And a part of me was excited, because I could turn him down and I could say he was too late, because Joey was the best thing to ever happen to me and I couldn't like anyone but him. There wasn't a part of me that could have known what he was actually going to tell me.

"I have something you need to know...Something you should have known a long time ago." He sighed as I looked at him eagerly.

            "Yeah, Darren," my body was weak and my mind carried a million different thoughts on what he was going to say. But, none of them were right.

            "That party we saw each other at, all those days ago..." I nodded not understanding what he was saying. "We both got really drunk." A connection was made in my brain, but not the right one.

            "Yeah, we kissed," I finished the story for him, but little did I know that wasn't the correct ending.

            "Yeah, only," he paused taking another deep breath, "That wasn't all we did, Em."

            I looked at him with wide eyes. I still didn't understand. "What do you mean? Like we made out?"

            He let out a shaky breath and it was then I realized he was crying. "No, Emily. We did more than that." He didn't want to say it, but I wouldn't believe his words.

            "What did we do?" I asked my voice cracking, I forced him to say it, he needed to say it for me to ever fully believe it.

            "We had sex, Emily."

            My whole world crashed. I couldn't breathe. I was drowning and the next wave was coming to pull me deeper down. He placed a hand on mine and I shoved him away.

            "No, no we didn't," I said in denial, I shook my head with the tears welding in my eyes. I wouldn't let them fall; because they didn't need to fall, nothing happened. And I wanted to believe that so badly.

            "Yeah, we did Em. We had sex." He dared to repeat himself which made me angrier. The images from the night finally made sense. The hands were my hands and the chest was his. It was blurry, but I could see that night. I lost my virginity to Darren Criss. And in the moment I hated myself for falling so easily for him.

            "I trusted you," I harshly whispered.

            I thought that after all the heartache I had endured that I deserved good guys in my life, but instead my heart decided to latch on to the douche. Which was typical me.

            "Why did you wait so long to tell me?" My voice cracked and Darren sighed.

            "Because, I knew it was going to hurt you. You know it's actually thanks to Joey I'm here tonight."