Gravity

Chapter 38: Pissed

Chapter 38

Pissed

Emily's POV

Joey returned with an annoyed expression on his face. "What's wrong with Darren?" I asked.

"Huh?" He was lost in thought and I repeated my question to him.

"Oh nothing, Julia and him are just in a fight. Per usual you know." He shrugged and that was a good enough answer for me, but I couldn't ignore the fact that he was rubbing his hand in pain. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he kept avoiding looking at me. What is with everyone suddenly doing that to me? Did everyone finally realize how awful I am? I wondered.

My brother stepped up to us thankfully ridding the air of the unwanted tension that I didn't understand why it was there to begin with.

"Hey guys don't ditch me and Joe this time. We actually need a ride now. Darren had brought us," he chuckled and I gave him a smile.

"Yeah, I guess him and Julia were in a fight," I rolled my eyes, because they were always fighting.

"Really?" Brian's eyebrows furrowed together, "I just talked to Julia and she said she didn't have a clue what it was about and that they hadn't fought for a couple of days." I gave him a confused look.

"Well, Joey just told me that Darren said they are fighting." I bit my lip as I wondered which one was lying. I put my money on Julia she was probably embarrassed about how often Darren and her fought and she hated being the talk of the party.

"Yeah," Joey grunted in agreement.

Brian shrugged, "Oh well." A silence fell upon us. Brian and I shared a look as we tried to figure out why Joey was so pissed off. It wasn't like him to not be joking and talking about something. "So should we head out soon?" Brian suggested.

"Yeah," Joey said while pulling his keys out of his pocket. With his hand no longer covering the other I got a good look at it, it seemed slightly swollen and it didn't take much thought to put the connection that Joey had punched Darren, but what didn't make sense was why? Was Joey sticking up for Julia? I sighed wishing Joey would just tell me without making me wonder or having to ask.

"I'll go get Walker," Brian said spinning around wanting to leave the tension as soon as possible and I didn't blame him. The tension was so thick it was suffocating.

"What's got you mad?" I asked cautiously, I was slightly afraid that I had done something unknowingly to him and that he was going to flip out on me.

"Nothing," he growled which only provided more proof to my subconscious that for some reason he was also mad at me.

"Did I do something?" He shook his head at me not bothering to even open his mouth. I sighed, I had obviously done something, but he decided to be passive aggressive about it and wouldn't tell me what happened. I took a deep breath and decided to push Joey's anger as far away as possible not letting it bother me.

Joey dropped me off at my dorm in silence and it hurt my feelings more than it should have.

"Bye guys," I said leaning over the passenger seat and waving at Brian and Joe. "Bye, Joey," I said my tone different and more kind, but he didn't care. He only grunted to me and kept his eyes on the road though he didn't need to. I swallowed down my protests and jumped out of the car wanting out as quickly as possible.

Sammy wasn't in our dorm room and I figured she was probably out with her other friends which explained why she didn't come with Brian to the hang out. I wished I had more friends. I wished I had another friend who was the equivalent of Joey, because then he could help me with Joey being annoyed at me. I know I didn't mean that though. I wanted Joey and only Joey as my best friend, but that's what made this hurt even worse. He was never so rude to me. He was always so kind and he was the one helping me, it was never the other way around. It scared me. When Azazel got mad at me he never came back. I couldn't lose Joey. At least not now.

I decided I was going to get the answer from someone.

'What's wrong?' I texted Darren. It took him a while to respond, but I was grateful when he finally did.

'Nothing'. I sighed realizing that was the same answer Joey had given me. I wanted the details; I wanted to understand what was going on in Joey's mind.

'I know something's up. Joey won't tell me what but he's acting like he hates me. Does he hate me?' I couldn't help myself for texting this.

'No', Darren hardly gave me any response at all and it wasn't helpful. I wondered if he was currently with Julia trying to makeup with her and that's why he was hardly responding. I shivered at the thought.

"Okay, don't tell me, whatever' I typed, but quickly deleted it and decided there wasn't a point trying with either of them. I decided just to push it away and forget about it. Because, that was what I had gotten very good at doing. I had begun pushing everything away to the far corner and allowed things turn to dust and then to let time eat it up.

But, the curiosity still was killing me as I tried to sleep so I decided to try another person, my brother. He'd be more easily persuaded to tell me especially, because he'd want to keep his sister happy.

'Why is Joey mad at me?' I asked and Brian quickly responded back.

'He's not.' I let out a frustrated sigh.

'Yes he is, he hardly spoke on the ride home. And it really bothers me. Is he still friends with me?' I knew how my brother would respond, he wouldn't have said no even if it was the truth, but it helped me that I could have hope Joey wasn't super pissed off at me.

'Em, he's acting like that with everyone. Of course he's still friends with you. Just give him some breathing room.' I gave a frown realizing he was right. Joey and I had been spending a lot of time together, which would make anyone frustrated and needing a break. I just didn't want one yet, I could spend years locked in a room with Joey and not become annoyed with him, but that's because he's easy to get along with—I'm not.

'Okay, I'll give him a day or two to chill'

I gave a sad smile to myself. I knew where my razor was and I pictured what I could do. I couldn't talk to Joey right now and I couldn't talk to Darren, and I didn't want to talk to my brother, because I didn't want to tell him how badly it hurt me that Joey was needing a break with me, because he would only try to fix things--which would just make them worse. I pulled my box out and stared at the blades. I rolled up a sleeve and thought about my actions. All actions have consequences and even if it feels good in the moment the result isn't always as good.

Just one cut, I told myself, just one, no one will know.

But, I couldn't do it. Because, I knew that if Joey knew I cut myself he would blame himself because he wasn't there for me. I tossed the razor back inside and I thought about throwing it away, but I couldn't bring myself to. I knew that something would happen and I would find myself back to needing it and just like Joey I wasn't ready to give it up. So I pushed it back to the bottom of my bed to gather dust.

I thought about my other way to release: Alcohol. I didn't know where another party was going on though. And I wasn't able to buy my own alcohol; I didn't look twenty let alone twenty-one. How was I supposed to escape the pain of Joey?

I found an easy new release. Focusing on a new pain, the pain of Azazel. I thought about texting him, just to see what would happen. Pull him back in for a trap, for my own benefit this time. That would shock him. He would see me in a whole new light.

But, I was weak.

I typed hi, but could never bring myself to send it. He was Azazel and Azazel could kill me with just one word, or even just one look, and I couldn't do that to myself again. No matter how much Joey hurt me it could never compare to what Azazel did to me. He made me realize what pain really was. At least that was what I told myself so I could feel better and stronger.

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A/N:

Hey guys!

Good news my sister agreed to take me to the Adler Planetarium Wednesday ;)

Don't know if they'll be there. But imma be on the lookout. And even if they aren't there it's still cool to be in a place where they've been. Haha.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter it was pretty long so ya know, you're welcome lol

Uhhhh. I think that's about it. Another update tomorrow but it might be kinda late (or super early idk) cause I'm going to be with my brother so yeah.