All I Want. {Sequel Mr. Mendes}

Goodbye For Now.

Shawn.

"So this is it isn't it?" I heard Alexis whisper next to me.

"I guess so," I trailed off and looked ahead towards the airport.

"Can you just promise me something before I go?" She asked and I nodded not being able to look in her eyes.

"Anything," I whispered as we walked into the airport.

"Promise me that this won't be goodbye...to us I mean," she said with a small hint of pain in her voice.

"Lex...I could never say goodbye to you...let alone us," I said and felt my eyes start to water.

"I know, but a lot can happen when we're apart, and I don't want those things to happen to us," I heard her sigh.

"Baby it won't.  Nothing could ever tear me apart from you.  It's me and you until the end," I assured her while trying to swallow a sob.

"But how can you be so sure of that? How can you be so sure that nothing could change between us?" Her voice was now mixed with pain and anger.

"Because I just know it!" My voice began to rise and it made us both shocked.

"Wow," that's all she could say, and that's all I would say.

"Alexis...I'm sorry," I whispered and held my head down as she tried to avoid any eye contact with me.

"No...it's fine...I mean I get it," she trailed off as we went through the gates.

"Get what?" I asked and she turned her face away from me.

"I get what you're trying to do," she mumbled which made me even more curious.

"And what am I trying to do exactly?" I asked and raised my brows even though she couldn't see me.

"You're trying to keep us together, and you're trying to avoid the fact that somehow we'll end up losing each other," she sighed with even more pain and sorrow in her voice.

"How can you possibly think that? We won't lose each other Lex, we're supposed to get married," I tried to keep my voice calm and quiet, but it wasn't working out too well.

"Well what else am I suppose to think Shawn! I mean I'm leaving, and you're on tour for the next four months! I can't help but think of the different possibilities that we'll go through while we're apart!"  I was shocked about how much anger that was running through her.

"Baby...believe me please...don't do this," I pleaded but she didn't seem to look at me the same anymore.

"I'm not doing anything! I just," she trailed off and cut her sentence before continuing.

"Then why are you saying that we can't possibly stay together?" I didn't realize that I had tears sliding down my cheeks until I spoke.

"I don't know Shawn, but all I do know is that I can't help but think about what it would be like without you," she sighed and kept looking straight ahead.

"Well stop thinking like that! I don't like you having those thoughts in your head...I hate that you think like that," I swallowed a sob after I finished, and saw a small tear roll down the side of her face.

"God, Shawn! Stop telling me what not to think about! I can't help it to think of what could happen!" She yelled and people started to look over at us.

"I have to! I can't bare the thought of you being hurt because of us being apart!" I cried and realized that my voice was muffled.

"GATE A19, YOUR FLIGHT IS NOW BOARDING," I heard the announcer say over the intercom.

"Well that's my flight," she sighed and still had her head turned away from me.

We were already at her gate, and more and more people started to board the plane.  I tried to fight back more tears as I looked over to Alexis who had her eyes glued to the window.  I could tell she was trying not to break down and that she was trying to keep calm since she kept taking deep breaths.

"Alexis?" I asked and she hummed in response while closing her eyes.

"I'm going to miss you," I whispered while she turned to face me.

"I know," she said in a quiet humble voice.

I placed one of my fingers under her chin so she could look up at me, but she rejected it.

"Goodbye Shawn," I heard her whisper as she let a single tear fall from the corner of her eyes.

"Lex...this isn't goodbye," I choked out and she just nodded her head.

"It is Shawn," she said and I cupped her face in my hands.

"Baby look at me, this isn't goodbye...please," I begged but she turned away from me again.

"I'll see you when you get back," she said with a pain filled voice.

She started to walk away from me, and I grabbed her wrist before she could leave for the next four months, "I love you."

"Yeah...I know you do Shawn," and with that said, she pulled away from me and left.

I stood there in heartache as I watched her leave.  She never once turned back to me.  She didn't say I love you back to me.  Was that it? Was that the end of us? It couldn't possibly have been could it?

I mean how since we're engaged and going to get married when I get back from tour? She was all I've ever wanted, and now she's gone.  I don't know what we are now.

The girl I love with my life is now gone.  I don't know what to think anymore.  She told me goodbye when we both promised to never say goodbye to each other.  She's gone...there's nothing left.  I never thought I could have such a massive heartbreak.  It was all done now.  She'll probably never want to see me now.  I don't know what I could possibly do without her.

All of this brought me into another perspective.  I had entered a new picture on life now.  All I have right now is a broken heart.  My heart that was tearing before, was now completely shattered. 

So many possibilities were running through my head now.  Did she love me? Does she still love me? I would probably never be in this much pain if I hadn't met her.  If I hadn't fallen in love with her I would never feel this way. 

'Would you just shut up Shawn!'

I can't believe I was trying to convince myself that if I hadn't met her none of this would be happening.  If I hadn't met her, I would never be as happy as I was when I met her.  My life wouldn't have been completed if I haven't met her.  If I hadn't met her, then I wouldn't have met the love of my life.

Nothing but the urge to cry was running through me.  I was hurt, that's all I could say.  It felt as if my whole world came tumbling down on me.  I was seeing the whole world in a different perspective now.  I wouldn't say that I'm depressed, I would just say that I'm heartbroken.  Nothing could ever change how I'm feeling except her. 

I don't know if she'll ever still want to see me nor do I know if she still loves me or not.  I mean she didn't tell me that she did.  She knows that I love her with all my life.  She's that most important person in my life, and now she's gone.  I'll still keep my promise to her and I'll never say goodbye to her.  Never ever.