Shattered

04

"Others may change us, but we start and end with family."

by Anthony Brandt.

A week has passed and whenever I find a moment, I can feel the pain throbbing. It's apart of me now and will be until I die. It'll eventually fade but it will always be a reminder of what happened; how my mate didn't want me for reasons unknown to everyone even to me. I've heard the stories and hell, since being rejected I've brushed up on the subject of mate rejection and no one could understand how the human part of a wolf would deny their mate and deny the benefits of having one.

My wolf...she's always whimpering whenever I cry at night. My mother makes me mope in the living room-so I'm not alone in my room because it's when I'm alone that my thoughts take a dark turn. Everyday after I was rejected, I spend my days in the living room just watching movies, crying, eating endless amounts of ice cream, and do homework. My family doesn't like seeing me so broken and shattered but they know no words can comfort my pain but their presences' can ease some of it.

Despite being rejected, I was lucky. Some packs were cruel enough to punish the rejecting wolf and shun them from the pack. They figure that if their mate rejects them then something must be wrong with them and not the one rejecting. Fucked up, isn't? Anyway, I was lucky enough to have such an understanding family, pack, and wolf. I think dealing with pain was easier when I had the support of my pack.

I had friends' who brought my homework from school-they never came in because they respected that I didn't want to see them yet-the truth was I didn't want them to see me in such a bad state. Homework numbed my mind and forced me to focus solely on my work which I really liked. I always liked homework (as odd as it sounds) and loved it when I found that my mind was too focused on the work in front of me to deal with the pain in my heart and soul.

It was hard and I often found myself wondering what my life would be now that I didn't have a mate. What would become of? What would I make out of myself? I couldn't be a mother to my own pups. I would never have the love that a mate could give. I'd be virgin for the rest of my life because having sex with someone who wasn't my mate didn't appeal to me.

Sleeping was still a favorite. The pitch blackness was soothing on my mind but today, I was wondering why I hadn't had the nightmares. I've read that rejected mates usually had nightmares as soon as the same day they were rejected but I hadn't had any nightmares...just endless black dreams.

You sound like you want the nightmares, my wolf grumbled.

I was idly watching Deadliest Catch while eating some creamy soup my mother made me. I've only been carving one soup and that was the soup that the Luna brought me one the day I was rejected. That was the other constant thing on my mind; that herb soup. Why, well, because whatever herbs were in there really eased the vicious and broken voices in my head and numbed my body in a very soothing way.

And it was super delicious.

I don't want the nightmares, I remarked quietly, you know I've been dreading their arrival. I'm just confused as to why they haven't happened yet. I was concerned. Maybe I was defective?

My wolf growled warningly-a sound low in the back of her throat that surprised me. You are not defective. There is nothing wrong with you. I didn't want to say anything but the reason why you aren't having nightmares is because I've been blocking them from entering your mind.

Her voice was small and quiet as if unsure on how I would react and honestly, I was stunned. I didn't know a wolf could do that. I've heard theories about a wolf being capable of such a thing but never a newly shifted wolf.