Stalking my stalker

You're the vagina to my boobies.

Must i repeat this every chapter? Its not edited, i know it, you know it, we all know it!

Enjoy this chapter cause i had fun writing it. You should've seen me laughing while i'm writing. My mom looked at me like i was a psychopath.

Chapter nine.

"The fuck Sam!" Derek screamed like a girl (he tends to that) when our older sister spew her breakfast all over his feet. "Oh EW!" I jumped away from him before i got caught in the aftermath. "Bro, you just got puke'd! HAHA! Get it? Puke'd? Man, that sound funnier in my head. Anyway, dibs on not cleaning her funk up!" I raised my hand.

"You can't just call dibs like that, let's discuss this! Dibs revoked!" I scowled, crossing my arms. "Sore loser." He grinned smugly.

"Yea, you might want to...wash up first, joker." I pointed at his feet to get my point across.

"FUCK--" My sister came back to life and cut him off. "Is what i did last night!" Then she dropped back onto the floor, laughing like a hyena. "Is she still drunk?" I asked him. He had disappeared into the bathroom, swiftly the sound of gushing water and the 'ew ew ew' entered my ears.

"I'll wait till you stop being such a pansie." I yelled.

My sister started to move again, groaning with her eyes shut. "Water.....need...to...pee." Uh oh. "BRO, GET OUT OF THER--" My warning died as she raced to the bathroom. The next sound i heard was Derek screaming and my sister peeing...it went a bit like this:

Derek: OH MY GOD, I'M SEEING SOMETHING I NEVER WANT TO SEE AGAIN SINCE THAT TREE INCIDENT!!!

Samantha:Ooooh, peeing feels good.

Derek: FUCK! (the sound of him tripping and falling) FUCK FUCK FUCK!! (he sure did drop a lot of F bombs)

Samantha: Derie-poo?! (Sound of flushing) I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!

Derek: GET OFF OF ME!!! (a girlish scream) PUT YOUR PANTIES BACK ON!

It was hilarious, really, music to my ears. Real life comedy. When Derek came out, looking very traumatized, he found me supporting myself against the wall from lethal dose of humour. I had a hard time breathing since my brain can't decide whether i should breathe first or flush the laughter out of my system first. Obviously, the later.

I slapped the wall while cracking up, it got to the extend where i was having stomach cramps. "I'm glad you find amusement in my misery. Sometimes, i wonder why i got stuck here with you..." I panted, inhaling deeply and rested my back to the wall. "No, of course not. You really have no idea? You're the vagina to my boobies. You're stuck with me for life!"

"Why am i the vagina?!"

"You're a pussy and don't have any boobies to speak of." I deadpanned.

"HAHAHA, PUSSY!" Samantha stumbled out laughing, tripped on the persian carpet and got launched onto her bed. i internally hold up a 10/10 board above my head. I could see she was slowly drifting back to sleep when she shot up again. Shit, what now?

"JOSHY-POO! I LEFT JOSHY-POO! WHERE IS MAH JOSHY-POO?!" She began scrambling off the bed and ended up getting tangled in the sheets. How on earth she managed that, i have no idea. And then what she said really kicked in. Joshua aka Joshy-poo who happens to be my other older brother. No, Derek's not my only brother. He's my twin, obviously!

"Calm down Sam! Where did you last saw him?" She sniffled, a lone tear slid down her cheek. "In...in Cuba?"

The.Fuck. (no, i'm not being dramatic, knowing her, its probably true!)

"But you were in Italy!" I tried to reason with her and she cried, bawling her eyeballs out. "MY JOSHY-POO!!"

"Yea?" Derek and I whipped our heads towards the door. "What is with the oscar worthy performance, guys?" He asked casually, well, mumbled casually as he brushed his teeth. Sam immediately stopped crying (good, her black tears were creepy. Like a more emotional Alice Cooper.) and crawled on all fours towards Joshua, wrapping her arms around his knees. "Joshy-poo!"