Heartburn • Rin x Miku

Chapter 37

Miku's POV

"Miku, open the door." Rin yells.

I have been crying for an hour. I can't believe I did that, but it was bound to happen. It hurt so much. I'm in a lot of pain. I thought the pain would ease my tensions, but I just feel lots of blood gushing out quickly.

I hesitated to open the door, but I really wanted Rin to help me. I want her to care about me. I want her to stay with me and cradle me like a baby. I slowly stand up from my position and open the door. Immediately I am met with Rin's gorgeous, worried face.

"Miku, what did you do?? Miku??" I didn't know how to respond. I feel embarrassed. Ashamed. I'm in so much pain, it hurts so much... Why did I do this?

Rin holds my back and takes me to the couch. I watch her rush to locate a first aid kit. That made me chuckle.

"Make sure your daughter has a first aid kit in her house," the doctor told my mom, with 15 year old me in the other seat. "Yes, yes. We need to get a first aid kit." I didn't know what to think of that. "You never know when her depression will force her to act," the doctor says, grinning his friendly grin. I hated that grin. There was nothing to be happy about. I'm a broken girl. Stop smiling.

I knew where it was. Before my mom lost her mind over my dad's death, she told and taught me what it was for. I felt like an idiot. I felt so embarrassed. Did they think I could hurt somebody else, or something? On accident? On purpose? Am I a monster, because I sure felt like one.

"Why? Why did you do this?" Rin asks, her eyes filled with such obvious worry that I thought it was cute. Sure, keep caring for a little cunt like me.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I say, wishing I never put Rin in this position. She should have never been apart of my life. Why did I kiss her? Why did I fall for her? I'm so ugly, by nature and by appearance.

"Miku, that's not okay." She says, bandaging up my arm. "What did you use to do that?"

I pulled out my smallest kitchen knife, making Rin flinch.

"I... I kept it under my bed..." I admit. I grew vengeful against myself. I knew I deserved the pain but I was scared. I was scared of my own heart. Other people matter more than I do. No one deserves me. I'm nothing, and everyone else is something.

"But..." I then placed it down on the coffee table, next to our unwashed soup bowls.

"I hid it there so that I wouldn't do this... But I did it," I said shakingly, and Rin took the knife away. She then held me into a hug. "I need help," I cried finally, feeling my thoughts collide into each other like a tidal wave. Rin just squeezed me harder. I felt even more pain, but I felt comforted by Rin's love. Is this what she wants? Or she is acting for the sake of keeping me from killing myself?

"Then utilize me, Miku! Why do you think I'm here?" Rin questions, making me shake and cry some more.

"I hate my brother, Rin. I hate him. And I'm scared of my own mother... I just want to be with you, Rin. I want to live with you instead. I feel safer with you, I don't want them to come back," I say in desperation, and Rin rubs my back. "If they come back, then I'd rather be dead... Please help me," I say, and Rin begins to cry herself.

I made Rin cry. I don't deserve her. I'm a rotton girl. I don't deserve this. But I love it so much. I want Rin here so much more. I want her kiss, I want her to touch me and flatter me and never let me go. This is such a grotesque romance. I really am a rotten girl.

"I promise I will, Miku." Rin says, and my feelings intensify. I feel so apologetic for who I am. What I've become. And now I'm pregnant. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,"