Intent 2: Fight or Flight [Wattys 2017] (ON HOLD)

Chapter 24

I have messed up so badly recently the last thing I want to do is keep the streak going.

But then again if I do stop this it, might end up making things worse anyway.

Regretfully I pull back and see that beautiful face that I have dreamed about my entire life. Her eyes are closed and her lips are still puckered, blinding looking for mine. Emma doesn't let that stop her as she leans in and starts placing kisses at the crease of my neck.

I have always loved when she does this and I believe she knows exactly what she is doing. It might make me sound soft but I nearly keel over at the sensation. And yet with everything in me wanting to continue this...

I don't know if it's the alcohol or some sober thought that I have somewhere in the far carner of my mind, but I can't stop myself from voicing my concern.

"Em..."

Nothing.

"Emma don't you think we should talk about this?" I say breathlessly, the war in my mind brewing beyond control.

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

At my words she stops her assault on my neck, resting her forehead on my shoulder as I hear her huff in frustration. Whether that be liquor induced or my abrupt behavior I don't know...

Who am I kidding, it's definitely me.

I keep my hands loosely on his waist and wait for her to say something.

Right now I am just enjoying having her so close, having her in my arms, feeling her breath hit my skin, and everything else that is happening right now. I should be the first one to speak but I just don't.

In all honesty, although I want it, I don't need sex... I just need her.

"Harry" she states firmly, her forehead still resting against my collarbone. "Do you want this tonight or do you want to talk? You can't have both.

"I just don't want you to hate me more tomorrow morning than you do now." I admit, my heart hammering in my chest, I'm sure she can feel it.

Believe me, I want this to happen just as much as she doesn't want to talk to me but I don't think I can take much more of Em hating me. I know she does even though she hasn't said the words.

Of course I heard Emma when she said she loved me earlier but that doesn't mean she doesn't despise me and the situation we're in.

Slowly she pulls her head back, her crystal blue eyes slowly peering up at me, even in heels she considerably shorter and I love it.

Fuck it, I love her!

"Harry I... I could never hate you." With a soft chuckle she looks down between us and I wish more than anything to see her eyes still but she doesn't give me the pleasure. Instead she leans into my chest. "There are a lot of things between us... a lot of dark relentless stuff that just seems to weigh us down and keep us apart, probably for good reason but that doesn't mean I don't..."

Slowly Emma pulls back her head and I finally see that she's biting her lip, nervous about what she's about to say, the three words that I know are just on her lips. I only wish I could have showed Em that she has, and never had for the matter, anything to worry about. But I did an abysmal job and now she's nervous to tell me what she feels.

It shouldn't be like this. Expressing feelings, although nerve wracking beyond measure at times, should get easier. The words should flow seamlessly because although there are nerves you also know that it's a safe place.