People say to remember where you came from, remember your past. I want to forget mine.
Horror stories echo through my head when I am reminded who I am. I hear the familiar voices in my head of what I use to be, where I was. I try to drink the past away, numb the pain at least, but all goes to shit. Since they toil with my mind like it's a game.
I hear him crying still.
I hear him screaming.
I hear him begging for this to stop.
I can feel them clawing inside of me, wanting to escape. Escape from my body to hurt, to kill. The sane in me in withering away like the leaves in autumn. The psycho in me is like the devil tempting me to do it. The carving, the yearning for it grows stronger as the years go by. I clench my fist as I try to keep this feeling down. I feel it taking over me. I feel my sanity growing weaker. I look in the mirror, seeing vein on my neck turn black and my skin become pale.
"Get out of my head!" I screamed.
I start coughing up blood that was stained black. I see my eyes turn all black. I shake my head not wanting this. I want him to calm them. I need him here.
Kill him.
"No," I said sternly.
Kill him!
"No! I won't do it," I screamed out.
Just then I heard someone barge into the door. I look back and it was him. I turned away and stayed aliens I couldn't bare to look at him. I didn't want him to see me, not like this. I hear him walking towards me. The footsteps were slow, but his heavy boots made them loud on the hardwood floor. I feel his hands on my shoulder which made them scream in my head. I cover my ears and moved away from him. I hide my face not wanting him to see the monstrosity that is my face. He walks towards me again, hearing the thumping under his boots. I hear the floor creaking as he started to kneel down in front of me. I begin to cry, telling him to leave. He wouldn't listen to me, he just removed my arms away from my face.
He saw me as I am, but he didn't run away nor did he make a sound. He remind expressionless and motionless. His brown eyes, just as I remembered. I feel them clawing at my throat, they're almost out. I pushed him away again, hiding in my closet, turning away from the light. I cover my ears disobeying my psycho thoughts.
I see my daggers laying next to me sharp and the blade so hypnotizing. Thinking the fresh crimson color going great with this. To finally see his life wither away in front of my eyes. So he won't have to toy with my head anymore. He opens the closet and see me peering at the knives. He begins to back away and I just snapped. I take the dagger in my hand and lunged at him. I start moving the dagger close to his neck. His screams went up seven octaves, so high pitched. He struggled and begged for me to stop.
"Shawn, please for the love of god, stop!" He screams,"This isn't you! D-Don't let them win."
His tears begin to pool out of his eyes. He starts to weaken under the strength of my demons.
" I don't want to die.. I wanted to take you out just you and me under the stars," he said as I stop for a moment,"I wanted to confess my love to you, since you're amazing."
He took his chance and broke free. Only for a moment. I pinned him down once more before he could reach the door.
"You know Cameron, I didn't want you to die either," I said smiling down at him,"Only I change my mind."
Agony. Despair. Regret.
I snapped out of it.
"What have I done?" I said crying over the corpse.
I look down at my hands. The same hands that created music and art are the same hands that destroyed a human life. I sat there and starring down at him. His soft brown eyes look up at me. I see a note and a little box. I opened and it was a promise ring. I swallowed my sorrow and cleaned up the mess I made. I carried him to my car, driving him to the middle of no where. I begin to dig until I reached five feet. I then laid him out him in the hole. Once I put the dirt back where it was, I looked back at the time. It was 7:08 pm. The sun has set and I was beneath all the stars.
Years later nobody found out. I stay late at bars trying to forget what I have done. I given up everything to drink everything away. Once I got home, I realize something, it was the letter, still untouched from that night. I decided to open it, it only said seven words.
I hope we never forget this night!
Love,
Cameron
He was right, but he was also wrong. I would never forget this night for an entirely different reason. I will be plagued with screams. I can still see the blood on my head. I still hear you even years from now. My brain is still numb probably from the alcohol, or maybe my demons. Only I will never stop trying. I will never stop trying to erase you. You never were a big part of my life. You weren't the reason I heard these demons. You didn't lead the parade of morons to slam me against the lockers until my head bleed. You actually cared, but you were amongst them. They made you wear a skin that made me blind. At least I will try to forget everything.
