Jack Gilinsky is always the strong one, the more dominant one. He always make JJ tremble in every fan fiction, when there was a sex scene. Jack was always the hero in every fan fiction. He always keep little JJ from cutting himself. He keeps JJ safe and secure. He is the dominant in the relationship. Jack is sane. Jack is normal. JJ is too small and frail to be alone. Jack has the perfect life, with the most perfect best friend on the planet. He has the perfect job since he has the blessing to have his best friend work with him as well.
"Jack is so perfect." That is all he sees plastered on his screen. He is a heartthrob, every girl would be lucky to have him. Since he has the perfect life nothing can go wrong. No real damage is done when he sees millions and millions of haters coming at him like a truck. The so called meaningless words that they say to Jack would not break him down, after all he isn't as fragile as little defenseless JJ. Apparently, Jack isn't human and does not care at least once and a while what the haters say. The harsh words don't cut his skin like knives as far as we know.
Only we don't. We don't know anything about Jack.
It turns out Jack is battling depression and losing really badly. He mutilates his body with razor and knives. The constant binge drinking alcohol to try to make him forget. He is trying everything to make the pain go away. Only it numbs it for a short while and hurts him even more. He feels like he's dying, putting on make-up to hide the shame. He regrets it everyday, but he needs something, anything to stop the pain he feels in his heart. JJ doesn't know about this side of Jack, all he sees is the fake smile that Jack had the tattoo on. A fake grin that made look real, an actor putting on a wonderful performance. The play is called, "I'm fine."
One night before a concert, Jack was scrolling through the Instagram and he received more than ten-thousand hate comments of a picture of him and JJ. The haters compliment how adorable little JJ looks, but that destroyed Jack. Than he found the one comment that set him over the edge. The one comment that broke his sanity like glass. He strived everyday to make everyone think he was this perfect human being. To be this so called "god."
"You're not good enough."
Now, it might seem meaningless to you, but it wasn't to Jack. In fact he was called that everyday in school, when JJ wasn't around. Pushed and shoved, brutally beaten by the kids in school. Being called that brought back flashbacks, reliving the horrible moments in his life. He can still hear the kids laughing at him for being not being strong enough, good enough, for not being enough in general. Pushing himself to look perfect everyday, since he wasn't enough. Once he change people stopped bothering him since he was accepted. Since his parents are so wonderful on camera, that is not how they reacted when they found out Jack was gay. They cut his face out of every family photo, they burned the possessions that he left behind. The last thing that his own mother said was,
"We thought you were good enough, I guess not."
Jack just couldn't take crying anymore. He was tired of being sad, tired of trying to be perfect, tired of acting like he's strong. He isn't strong, the monsters won. He is tired of fighting, he is tired and wants eternal rest. Jack hasn't slept soundly in a while, so it would be great to sleeping in heavenly peace. JJ always said that Jack was an angel. Jack always believed that he would return to heaven, since he can't protect JJ. He looked over and saw some shining in Jack's coat pocket from the harsh lights. He walked over and took it out, it was his razor. His frown curled into a grin, since happiness wasn't too far away unless he presses down hard enough. He put the razor close to his skin, hovering over it a little. He was about to slice his wrists when JJ comes into the room. He saw what Jack was doing and tackled him to the floor.
JJ took the razor out of Jack's hand and threw it across the room. JJ was on top of Jack holding his arms down, tears forming in both of boys' eyes. JJ saw the cuts in between the gaps between each finger. It was too much for little JJ, he broke down in tears. Jack sat up and cradled the small boy in his arms. JJ pushed him off and his face was red with absolute anger.
"Jack... How could you do this to yourself?" JJ manage to say without crying more.
"It was the only thing I had control of!" Jack screamed in anger.
"Bullshit!" JJ screamed back,"If you had control, you would've been able to stop! Jack, look at your fucking arms, you lost control with yourself! You could of gotten therapy, so this whole mess wouldn't of happened!"
"They hurt me, all the haters!" I shouted at him with fire in my brain,"I've failed."
"They call it self harm for a reason, they didn't to shit to you other than say hurtful words, it was you who held the razor, and you slicing your own skin, that wasn't them!" JJ said with venom in his tone,"Jack look where you are, you are in a dressing room about to sing in front of thousands of people that love you and I'm one of them. I love you Jack, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want you to get better, but you need to do this for you. Not for the fans, not for me, but for you alone. Do you want to get better?"
Jack whip my tears away and stand up. JJ was looking down so Jack picked up his chin with my thumb and pointer finger. They stared into each other's eyes and his blue orbs looked down at my lips then back up to Jack's eyes. Jack smiled a genuine smile, parted his lips and kissed JJ softy. JJ snaked his arms around Jack's neck as Jack had his hands tightly around JJ's small waist. They disconnected and their foreheads touched as they stayed intertwined.
"Do you still want to go on?" JJ asked worried.
"Of course, who else is going to stare at that beautiful face of yours?" Jack said smiling.
"Alright, let's get ready, kill this show, and help you get better," JJ said kissing Jack's cheek.
It's funny how fans think they know everything about their favorite celebrities.
"But we don't know."
_____
That is opinion on cutting. They make that normal and acceptable when really you need serious help. People show the Internet their scars and say they will throw their razors away if they get 100+ likes on their photo. If you have lost control and this became a routine you have, seek therapy. So I ask this question to a lot of people that complain about their problem that they can fix.
How are you going to get better?
Because if you want to get better, then get off your butt and tell someone you trust that you need help. It's never too late to change, it's never too late to feel better. I know you're strong enough to fight this.
Thank you all.
~Karma
