It Was One Time (OITNB Fanfiction)

Chapter 13 - Perks Of Prison.

Clementine's POV: I sat on my bed looking for a distraction. Life was shit right now and surprisingly enough being in prison was the least of my problems. All the bathrooms were already clean, It was after dinner, and I had nothing to do. Sure I could go to the TV room and watch the black girls rave about Judy King, or I could go play cards with Chapman or Vause, but none of those sounded anymore appealing than gouging my own eyes out. I looked around my bunk and my eyes landed on a notebook and pencil. I picked it up and flipped to a blank page. In the top margin, I wrote "The Perks Of Being In Prison.". 

1. My gay ass can be gay

I sat on my parent's bed, my hands were clammy and they were shaking, "Mom, dad, I have to tell you something." I said. "What is it, sweety?" My mom asked. "I....I'm.....I'm bisexual." I said. "What?" Dad asked. "I like girls and boys." I repeated. "Oh. Well...we love you all the same, baby." My mom said. I nodded. The room was silent. "Do you guys have any questions?" I asked. "Why don't we talk in the living room?" Dad asked. I nodded. We all sat on the couch. "When did this happen?" My mom asked. "Well as long as I can remember, really." I admitted. "I figured you were into girls, it was really a matter of when you were going to tell us." My dad admitted. I smiled. "Well, I didn't know." Mom remarked. I chuckled under my breath. "So everything is okay?" I asked. 

2. I can express my religion freely

"Well, we still love you. But I can assure you I won't allow a homosexual relationship under my roof." My dad admitted. "Wh- I mean you won't let me have a boyfriend 'til I'm 17 anyways, so.." "You're right. However, I believe the Bible says homosexuality is a sin. I won't allow that in my house." He commanded. "Oh. Okay." I said in surrender. "I want you to know how-" My mom's voice was shaky and tears were falling from her face "how proud I am of you, for telling us this. I know it had to be hard." She said. "Thank you, mama. It was." I admitted. "I have to ask, am I allowed to sleep over at Renee and Mirah's house anymore?" I asked. "Well, are you into Renee or Mirah?" She asked. "No no no." I lied. "Renee and Mirah are straight." I added, I lied. "Okay then, it's alright." My mom said. "Alright. One last thing...I don't plan to hide my sexuality. Of course, some people don't need to know. But, I plan to tell most of the people we know. It's going to be out there, are you guys okay with that?" I asked. There was a pause. Oh god, they're going to say no..."Of course, that's fine, Sarah." my dad said. I sighed with relief. "Can I ask, is there something that made you this way?" My mom asked. 

I was thinking back to that moment. When my mother asked me if anything had "turned me" bisexual. The answer was always no and it still is. I always wondered though if what happened to me when I was younger was part of it. I'm still attracted to men but I have a strong preference for women. It wouldn't be far-fetched. It's affected me in many ways. Wanting to not wake up every time you go to sleep isn't normal.

"I just don't want to..." I said. "I'll tell mom and dad about you getting the last cookie that was for dad." He threatened. I was conflicted. I really didn't want to get in trouble. Jackson seemed sure I would. It wasn't that bad. "Okay." I pouted. He guided me into the bathroom and I sat on the floor. "Alright. Can you take off your pants for me?" I was reluctant, but finally I complied. "Can I leave now?" I asked. "Not just yet..." he said. 

I couldn't remember much. It was all hazy. However, the feelings it gave me were not. The pit in my stomach every time a male CO goes to pat me down, or I go to take my pants off in front of anyone, I remember Jackson. Jackson is okay now. He's a great brother. Which almost makes it worse. He's so great why do I dwell on this? Yet I know exactly why I dwell. Because I'm traumatized! "Hey. You okay, Sarah?" Renee asked. "Yes, I'm fine." I replied. "Sarah..." Renee said. Her tone of voice implied she knew I was bullshitting her. "Alright fine. You know Nicky and I are done? And I don't know it just got me thinking about Jackson for some odd reason." I admitted. "Aww, sweety. I'm sorry. Wanna talk about it?" She asked. She put her arm around me and gave me a half hug as we walked. "No." I replied honestly. 

We walked into the cafeteria and she went to sit at Nicky's table. I grabbed her arm and pulled back. "No we can't sit there. Nicky is there." I said. "Oh my god, Sarah! This isn't 9th grade. We sit here all the time." She said. I nodded. She was right. I got my tray and sat down next to Renee. Renee was in between Nicky and I. I looked down and saw Nicky's hand on Renee's thigh. Renee pushed her off. "Wow, you're fucking kidding me?" I said. "Since when do you have a monopoly on her?" Nicky asked. "Since she's my friend, and I've been in love with her since 8th grade." I yelled. Renee turned bright red. "Love doesn't mean shit." Nicky spat. My face softened and so did Nicky's for half a second when she realized she had hurt me. Of course it went straight back to cold though. "Maybe you're right. Maybe love doesn't mean shit." I said. I went to walk out of the cafeteria and Pornstache stopped me. "We do not leave lunch until lunch is over!" He yelled. "I missed you..." He whispered in my ear. I felt my heart pounding like it was going to beat out of my chest. The room was spinning and I was shaking like crazy. I saw my vision leaving me and I fell to the floor. I could still hear everything everyone was saying but for some reason I couldn't talk and everything sounded like it was coming from the end of a tunnel. "Clementine?" I heard a raspy voice. Nicky. "Oh my god, Sarah!" I heard. Renee. "What's going on?" I heard a thick Russian accent ask. Red. I wanted to say "I can't see! Help!" but no words would come out. 

Soon I felt myself dosing and I woke up in a hospital bed. CO Bennett was sitting in a chair in front of me. "Are you awake?" He asked.