"It" Can't Be Helped | ✔️ | Blue Exorcist

Sensei Pt. 2

Rin slammed the door to his dorm room, fingers yanking at his hair as he gasped for air, tears spilling from his eyes. Pacing back and forth, he tried to calm his frantic mind, but it wasn't working, it was only getting worse. His own brother had shot at him, and the possibility of Yukio killing him.... Rin pounded his fists against his skull, forcing the thoughts to quiet. He cried out in sorrow, kicking Yukio's nightstand, a small leather bag falling off and spilling its contents onto the floor.

Rin got onto his knees and started to clean up the mess, sobs escaping his lips. The contents dealt with exorcisms. Extra clips of bullets, holy water, medical herbs Rin knew from his studies, but couldn't care to recall, he shoved it all back into the bag, putting it back on the nightstand. He was about to stand back up when something caught his eye, something metallic shining in the light of the room. Rin held the object in his hand, a folding knife, a survival/combat style at that. A cross etched into the dark stained wood of the handle. The blade itself was extremely sharp and was serrated at the hilt. Rin was about to put the knife back where it belonged when he noticed he had gotten blood all over the handle. He looked at his wounded hand, which was still bleeding. It didn't seem to be healing at all. Rin recalled how he had hurt himself earlier that morning, but that cut had healed almost immediately.

Idiot, it's because that bullet was blessed.

Rin swallowed hard, tears still falling fresh and pain still throbbing in his heart. He remembered how the pain of being cut had felt, and how it distracted him from his mental war. Yet, all too soon, that cut had healed, and it had taken the pain with it. Looking down at the knife in his hand, he had a revelation.

"Rin? Are you okay? You came storming into the dormitory and it sounded like you were crying." Rin folded and shoved the knife into his jacket pocket before Kuro walked in. Seeing Rin's expression, he immediately ran up to his partner, concerned. "Rin! Why are you crying? What happened?" Rin shook his head, wiping his tears. "Rin!! Why is you hand bleeding!" Rin sighed.

"I was shot at." Was all he said.

"Shot at?! By who?"

Rin nudged his head in the direction of Yukio's bed. Kuro took a moment to process before anger flashed behind his eyes. "Why would he do that to you??"

"He thought I was gonna hurt someone." Rin said quietly. "Listen, I don't want to talk about it right now, I just want to be alone. Okay? I'm going up to the roof to think and maybe practice my flames for a bit." Rin stood and left the feline in his room. Treading his way up the flights of stairs, he put his hand in his pocket, his fingers running across polished wood. He pushed open the door leading to the dormitory roof, latching the lock when he closed it. The last thing he needed was Kuro coming up here right now.

Rin sat on the concrete, knees bent as he leaned against the steel door. He pulled out his newfound toy, passing it back and forth between hands. Was this really something he wanted?

It's not like you're gonna kill yourself, Okumura. Just wallow in self pity.

Rin gritted his teeth, pulling up his right sleeve, it was already soaked in blood anyway, and held the knife against his wrist. The bite of the metal didn't break the skin, but it was enough to make his brain send warning signals and endorphins rushing through his body. The metal was blessed and had a small burn against his skin, but it wasn't enough, he wanted the pain to make him forget, and this wasn't enough. He pushed the blade down harder and felt a tinge of satisfaction when red flowed and pain followed. He slid the blade down, lifting it back up and starting another line, and then another. When finished he let his arm rest over his knee, blood dripping from his wrist and dropping onto the concrete next to his shoe. The searing pain left behind by the holy blade had stars forming behind his eyelids. Some of which might have been from how hard he was closing his eyes, but the pain was astounding nonetheless. And that's what he wanted.