Ethereal

Thirty four

"Okay." Lauren frowned and walked back to her bunk, knowing that leaving Camila alone was probably the best thing to do at this point.

It's not that the small girl didn't want to forgive Lauren. Because she did want to. But she couldn't help but feel scared around her. And she wished she could just let it go and be back to normal. But nothing was going to change if she had panic attacks every time Lauren came around.

Camila laid on the couch in the main lounge as apposed to laying back down in her bunk. She didn't have the energy to walk the whole way back. Even though it was a short distance, the couches were closer.

She hated the way she felt right now. She felt weak. She felt like she couldn't control herself anymore. Usually, she would ask Lauren to just hold her. And she wished she could be in Lauren's arms without having an anxiety attack.

It's only been a few days since the incident happened. Camila hasn't had much time to figure out her feelings. She's been on stage, in meet and greets, or resting.

Camila gave up on the idea of falling back asleep. She laid down for a while until the dizziness she was feeling subsided. She pushed passed her anxiety and slowly walked over to Lauren's bunk.

"We can talk." Camila let out in a shaky voice.

"If you're not ready, we don't have to." Lauren reassured.

"I'm not ready. But I do have to." Lauren nodded and slid out of her bunk. Camila led them to the back lounge, sliding the door behind them.

"I miss you." Camila admitted.

"Then can't things just go back to normal? Please Camz. I miss you and I'm so sorry." Lauren pleaded.

"No they can't." Hot tears rolled down Camila's face.

"Camila I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Lauren was crying at this point too. "Camila, I know I've said it a lot. I wasn't in the right mind set. Lucy offered me a drink. I was upset about my grandmother so I just said yeah. I would go back in time and never even have went to Lucy's if I could. I was drunk. Camila I can't stress it enough. I don't know what came over me. I can't remember the last time I held you in my arms. And you're shutting us out. You're shutting everyone out! We don't know when the last time you had a meal was. We don't know anything and it's scaring me. Especially seeing how you were earlier. That is not okay."

Camila met Lauren's eyes. The green eyed girl had tears already running down her face. The tears made her eyes appear even more green then they already were. Her mascara was smudged and she had a bags under her eyes. Lauren looked drained, and Camila could tell the older girl hasn't been herself lately.

"No, never mind. I can't fucking do this." The small girl felt panic rise in her chest and walked out of the back lounge.

She was surprised none of the other girls had woken up. From the glass shattering, to Lauren's crying, Camila was pretty sure they were being loud. But she was praying Dinah would wake up and save her from this situation.

"No. No! Camila please." Lauren begged. "I love you Camz. I don't want to loose you. I need you, okay? I need you more then anything right now."

Camila put her hands over her ears to block out Lauren. She knew it was childish, but she couldn't stand seeing or hearing Lauren in the state she was in. It made her feel guilty.