Letters To Arix

Twenty-Three

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER MENTIONS SELF HARM, IF YOU ARE NOT OK WITH THAT PLEASE DON'T FORCE YOURSELF TO READ IT.

February 21st, 2011

dear Arix,

i don't know what depression looks like, but i think it's different for each person. i remember Mindy Crawford back in eight grade, she had depression. i was only thirteen and i knew. i felt really bad for her and i tried to be nice to her. you rolled your eyes when i tried to include her, but i suppose it was people like you who made her feel bad about herself, people like those blonde bitchy cheerleaders, who made Mindy so self conscience and hate herself so much that she started cutting, slicing her wrists and arms with a blade. she wore long sleeved sweaters and shirts all the time, even in summer, and i grew worried. one day i remember her cheeks were red and her eyes puffy, her arms tucked around herself. i went up to her, when all the other kids were in class. i stood in front of her and looked into her dark brown eyes.

me: Mindy, are you okay?

Mindy: Paige, right? hey, oh, uh, yeah. of course. why wouldn't i be? i'm fine. i gotta get to class.

me: Mindy, i was hoping to sugar-coat this, but are you cutting?

her eyes grew wide and she looked terrified.

me: look, Mindy, all i want to do is help you. nobody here at school has to know, i just want to help you.

Mindy: nobody can fucking help me, Paige. sorry for wasting your time, i seem to do that, but it's too late for me.

and she just walked away. i felt sad, and scared that she might do something drastic. turns out, i was right. the next day, she didn't show up at school and i freaked out. i went to her house and banged on her door. a elderly lady opened the door and looked down at me sadly. i asked her where Mindy was and if she was okay and a tear slipped down her cheek. she told me she was a neighbour that was watching the house, and she explained everything. Mindy had jumped off a bridge that morning and her parents were with her at the hospital. they didn't know if she was going to make it or not. i thanked the lady and went home.

i cried that night, Arix. i cried for the lonely girl who thought she didn't need to live. i cried for you, being a part of the girls who were mean to her. i cried for Grace, who's grandfather had just died. i cried for my mum, a heart broken by a man who never deserved her, an asshole who had the chance to hurt her. and i cried for myself. people had hurt me, left me, didn't care for me anymore. but most of all, i sobbed and shook and felt like a terrible person that i hadn't tried to help Mindy earlier. and that she might die.

-Paige

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A/N: What the hell did I just write like um.

Kay then.

-Hannah