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Spencer Reid may have been the best person that Margo had ever met -- in fact he definitely was -- the kindness that had had shown her exceeded her expectations for any human being and the intense things that she felt about him were scaring her because she had only known him for a very short time. Every action he carried out made her heart constrict in her chest. He was helping her heal in so many ways and every conversation they had felt like he was gluing the pieces of her heart and mental state back together.
But then he would leave and everything would fall apart again.
She had promised him that she wouldn't hurt herself again and she was intending to keep that promise because she was sure that breaking a promise with Spencer Reid would make her feel a lot more worthless than she already did.
"Let me get you back into bed."
"No!" Margo argued feeling safe with him in the small bathroom. "Can we just stay here, please."
The desperate edge to his voice caused him to nod and cave in. The girl was hurting and he didn't like it.
"Okay."
He bent down on his knees in front of her and she shook her head, gesturing to the space next to her and slightly tugging on his hand that was still joined with hers. He sat next to her, both leaning against the dirty, tiled wall together. Their hands had fell away from each others in the process but they were still close with their shoulders pressed together and she let her head fall onto his shoulder. It was peacefully silent. He copied her actions, feeling comfortable and let his head gently roll to rest on hers. Both were acting more forward than the other had expected and both noticed the way they seemed to fit together kind of perfectly.
They were adding new pieces to the others puzzle.
"It was stupid." She broke the silence.
"What?" Spencer asked.
"I just want you to know that I know, what I did was stupid." She explained.
"It wasn't particularly stupid, Margo."
"You don't have to lie." She scoffed slightly.
"I'm not lying." Spencer insisted making her feel slightly warmer inside. "You were desperate for your family."
"I still am." She admitted, clenching her eyes closed. "It's not just my dad. My whole family are dead. My grandparents died years ago. I don't have any aunties or uncles and my mum and brother died in a car crash last year, that's why I was lived with my dad. I'm not just twenty seven and hopeless."
"I've never pictured you as hopeless." Kindness laced his tone. "I'm sorry about your family."
"Why do we apologise when it isn't our fault? I've always wondered that."
"To show sympathy, I suppose." Spencer was logical.
"Isn't that the worse though, when people just feel sorry for you."
"Empathy then."
"Can you tell me about your family?" Margo asked after a few moments of quiet wanting to know him. "You don't have to, I know it isn't your job to comfort me."
"I'll tell you. I don't mind"
"Okay."
"I love my mum. She has paranoid schizophrenia among other things and she'd have episodes. I always knew that something was wrong with her but I didn't realise that it was such a problem because she always seemed great to me. She was a college professor of 15th-century literature so she would always read to me, it's how I learnt a lot of the stuff that I know." His voice was so raw with emotion as he spoke.
"She sounds lovely." Margo said honestly with a smile.
"Her names Diana."
"Nice." She loved listening to him speak with the passion of somebody with so much love to give.
"When I was four, a man called Gary Michael's started playing chess with me at the park, stalking me. I was fine but my mother insisted that we moved because she saw him for what he really was. Not long after, my neighbour Riley, who was only six, was sexually abused and murdered. My mum told Riley's dad about what had happened in the park and she followed him and saw him beating Gary to death, she got some blood on her clothes. My dad burned mums clothes to protect her and I saw it but I didn't realise what had happened. Riley's dad didn't get arrested because Gary had disappeared and had a history as a sexual predator. Years later, I had nightmares about everything and I thought that my father had killed Riley until my team helped me investigate."
"Oh my god." She gasped.
"The point of me telling you that, is that my parents drifted apart and their marriage collapsed, it just started a rift and my mum was getting worse. I was ten when my father left. He didn't even move that far away or change jobs. He said he was ashamed to see me again but he kept tabs on me without me knowing."
Margo had expected an FBI agent to be really put together but he was a person too. "I'm sorry, Spence."
"There's only one other person who calls me that." He had a tone of surprise in his voice. "JJ, she's on the team."
"Great minds think alike." Margo giggled quietly. "There's more to you, I can tell."
"When I was eighteen, I put my mum in to a mental institution because I couldn't look after her anymore. I send her letters every day."
She could hear the guilt in his voice and her heart ached for him although she didn't know why she could read him so well.
"You feel guilty."
"Yes." He nodded. "I don't get to see her a lot because of my job."
"What are you scared of?" She asked him softly.
"Schizophrenia is passed on genetically."
"Can be." She said with a firmness in her voice and a shake of her head.
"What?"
"It can be passed on genetically. Meaning, not always."
She hated the thought of him spending his life scared and waiting for Schizophrenia to kick in, as if he was fighting some disease that he may never actually get. He didn't deserve to be plagued like that.
"Sometimes, I'm afraid of my own mind."
"You may never get it."
"But I might."
"Please, don't worry about it." She pleaded. "You made me promise to not hurt myself, you have to do the same. Promise me that you wont worry about it."
He moved his head off hers and they looked at each other, miles of emotion moving between them.
