lonely || sidemen || completed

/desolate/

/josh/

'Hello, Josh!' the lady at the desk was cheery as ever.

'Alright.' I muttered, following the shelves of books round to the usual spot.

The 'usual spot' was a table in the corner of the library, but today, it was occupied by four boys.

I groaned when one of them turned to me: Ethan Payne.

'Hey, Josh, right? Come and sit. Vik and Harry are skiving library duty.' he said in a laughing tone.

'You can't skive library duty when you're in the library. And anyway-' I started.

'Josh.' The boy beside Ethan turned round: it was Tobi. I sighed, and looked past him to see Vik and Harry opposite.

Reluctantly, I pulled up a seat.

'Why weren't you in DT?' Tobi asked quietly.

The real reason was because I was pulled into the Principal's office. He told me it wasn't a regular occurrence, kids at college being pulled in for a telling off, but I was Bad.

'You need to clean up, Joshua.' The skin on his hands stretched tight over old bones. 'Or you'll be out of this place.'

His office smelt like old leather and sweat, and he looked like something out of Harry Potter; old, wizened, grey.

'Make connections. Grow up. Sort this out.'

I just shrugged.

'Come on, ice boy.' Vik said with a small smile. 'Thaw a little bit.'

I let a smile slip through the cracks and then tightened my jaw. 'I don't have time for this.'

Harry had been watching me the whole time.

'Look, what's your problem?' he asked. I flinched at the steel in his voice.

'You just... Why are you always so angry? Is it us, or everyone? What's the point in always being... thundery? Just smile a bit, man. Why do you refuse to make friends?'

I looked up solemnly. My eyes flicked from Harry, his skin glowing with nerves and concern, to Ethan, holding his bated breath in a flushed face, to Vik, his dark eyes wide and waiting for me to respond to Harry's outburst. And then I saw Tobi. The same face I knew from walking home from school, from footie matches on a dirty pitch, to shared lunch boxes. He was the same; why was I different?

'Who would want to be my friend?' I asked.

'That's what we thought.' Ethan said quietly. 'But then we found each other.'

'Good for you.' I snapped. Ethan cringed slightly.

'Josh, for fuck's sake!' Tobi said in exasperation. 'Ethan's saying... we found friends in each other. Can't you find friends in us too?'

The same Tobi. Maybe I could be the same Josh?

It seemed my head was sick of Lonely, as I nodded subconsciously. My mouth formed the words 'okay', my breath pushing it out before my brain could comprehend. It kicked me for trying, but my body was made up. What's the harm in trying?

Ethan smiled from over the table.

'Welcome to the inSide.'

~~