Once In A Lifetime One Shots

Echoes

It was a long time ago but it was still fresh from my memory. Highschool seemed like a blur because it was.

Yes, I didn't have the best eighteen years of living. Yes, I was hated and despised. Yes, I have been ready even before I was of legal age.

I am distraught, no denying that. I used to have friends, more like brothers and they made me believe that I belong, that they respect and care for me.

Sad to say their words were just echoes heard on top of mountains and valleys.

I could make pinnacles out of their promises because it was plenty and it hit me hard.

Today, November 26 of the year 2016, someone surprised me. My birthday was ten days ago but these new blessings, these new people, these new friends have completely surprised me by throwing me a mini celebration.

For the first time in my entire life, somebody made me feel wanted and people made me feel that I matter. I have been numb and used to the fact that no one will come greet me and actually be happy I was born. My parents and siblings seem to be the only ones who did.

For the first time, I don't have to wear a costume of a fearless warrior when I am around these new friends because I could feel and learn that they were supportive and ready to help me. Something I never experienced way back to kindergarten.

Even when I was a young child, this society had stated I don't matter because I was fat, effeminate, and annoying. The people who mattered were the popular boys and the girls who were unattainable. Society was happy to really treat me like garbage, to devalue my worth. To make me feel that indeed, I am unimportant.

Years later, that is true. I wasted my efforts in giving these so called brothers my time in highschool that they couldn't appreciate me because girls and parties are more important than me. I called them my family but they called me their slave.

Girls wouldn't even help build me up despite their best efforts to be feminists. I could see their lies. I could see how I am unimportant. I knew that, I just didn't make it obvious that it hurts because I know that it is selfish to think of oneself but then again, abuse comes to play.

I am always angry, I really have bad temper and it's all thanks to those thoughts implanted on my head. All those times that I disregarded my own set of emotions because I didn't want to bother anyone had latched on to my soul. It made me cautious of my actions that everything needs to be perfect because if it isn't, it proves that I am indeed worthless.

I know I am not, I know I am worth more than how the people in my environment treat me but the majority of society thinks of the opposite otherwise.

I'm still a minority. I'm looked down by some of the heterosexual males of my life, looked down by most of the girls I had encountered, I am looked down by my fellow LGBT community.

That's when it hit me. As I have said, I was given a surprise birthday party. Those brothers that I thought would celebrate my day would somehow make an effort because they make efforts if one of them has a birthday by attending when invited or bringing gifts.

It's hard to stomach it but it's true, I cover the sadness with my boss façade. I saw it on their snapchats that they attended this girl's invite of them to go out for drinks but not for my birthday. Some wild girl who loves spending cash on fun is favored over my own birth.

I am worthless....for them.

They couldn't even tell me that they don't like me as their friend anymore. They kept blaming my insecurities towards being an outcast as a problem but it was all an excuse to make me feel bad about myself.

Whenever I would tell them I would get a kind, handsome, tall, hot boyfriend, they would ignore my statement but when they talk about tits and pussies, it is praised.

When women hear that statement, I get backlash for my homosexuality. Telling me I'm ugly and fat to even deserve a man like that. I was to grow up alone and die alone because they were dictators of my role in the universe. They were the casting crew of a production.

I hate it. I hate having to understand how "bad" their lives are when they couldn't give me a chance to prove them I'm more than what they think.

I hate how contradicting they become by promoting feminism,  pride rights, and equality when I, a fat homosexual man couldn't get that same right and treatment.

I am sick and tired of all the hate I receive. It feels like I'm going to become a failure and it is my greatest fear, to not become legendary.

I know my potential but what do I know anyway? I'm also stupid in their eyes.

What do I know? I know that I never stop, I never give up.

I know how resilient I am. I know how great of a person I truly am. I am handsome, smart, dashing, funny, and most importantly, kind.

Kindness, no matter how badly I am treated by those so called friends, highschool people, grandparents, aunts, cousins, and uncles, with kindness, I know that all the tears I'm crying right now is worth it because in the end I know I was right.

It isn't just about me, it's about saving others. I don't have to worry about myself that much because I know I'm strong and I can balance the pain and beauty of the life I have.

What people told me might be true. I may not find a kind, handsome, hot, tall, loving, sexy, faithful, and loyal man but I know one thing, I still have friends, real friends who planned my birthday celebration. It was proof that somehow, I still possess kindness and that is what truly matters.

I believe that those self proclaimed feminists or whatever have been wrong. True equality is about kindness and goodness prevailing by means of strength and not by means of protesting and walking through roads saying "men are awful and should be spanked and enslaved" while completely walking without a bra with their breasts exposed.

This is my creed, I don't give a fuck about those people anymore. It proves why I deserve the BOSS moniker. Why I'm a bad ass. It's because I know your beliefs but I don't give a flying fuck about you and your predictions of my life. I don't give a fuck about you bigoted, sexist, racist, homophobic, feminists.

Your cries are all echoes through the isolated mountains I once lived. I know my worth despite your protests and efforts in degrading me because somehow I'm everyone's antagonist.

I know my worth and nothing in Earth could give me that. I will continue to love myself despite the backlash, continue to spread kindness despite the anger you people have towards me, Vermon Ines Santiago, a man who will prevail and triumph above hate. A man who will leave an incredible mark that nobody else could do. A man who is set to make people realize that his eccentric personality and life is the catalyst to real happiness.

My journey began the moment I was born. I am not stopping my epic tale anytime soon.

Dedicated to cityteen because she knows this story.