Hold me Tight | Vkook

Let me do this

It was that Saturday evening when Jungkook felt his stomach rising up, fast running to the toilet but nothing came out, he was sick, for almost two weeks now or so, and Taehyung hasn't coming back on time for almost a week. Usually he'd spend his hours sleeping instead, almost forgetting about bringing his husbands lunch at work, but he thought Taehyung is an adult, he can take care of himself as well as him.

He'd barely even remember getting used to having this daily sickness, he's been healthier for years even, that all he ever did was to take care of an adult and himself, and he doesn't even had a single clue of what will come to him now.

~~

Monday when he decided to go on a check up with the doctors, he asked Taehyung if he could come with him, but it was expected that Taehyung couldn't come again, because as usual he's always busy. When he arrived there, Taehyung was there, with his two children holding his hands, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't envious or felt betrayed, so he just quickly walked away before Taehyung could even see him.

That night, he was at the bathroom, looking at the pregnancy kit held by his hands, a streak of red line appeared in front of him as a state of result, negative, it said as a reminder of his sacrifice was useless, he's useless, because that night when the air was so cold and the bed was too big for one figure to be used, the other side was empty, cold and clean, unused for almost another week, and Jungkook remained silent, again and again.

~~

The next time, probably the only day Taehyung came back was like the any other day, but still different, still special for Jungkook as always, "Taehyung?" he'd call, as the other turned his back to face with another questioning look, "I'm glad you're back" he added, voice almost raspy but he still managed, Taehyung didn't say anything. "It's Taegguks birthday today, I'll be visiting them, are you coming this time??, last year you didn't, and it would really make me happy if you do."

There was something on his face that Jungkook never really wanted to see, he barely reads it, as he wouldn't even want to know anyway, he knows it though, and he knows what to expect from Taehyung, but he still hoped for anyway, so stupid.

"I'll try to catch up with you"

He tried to convince, so he went alone, the trees were still the same, air is still fresh and the skies remained blue, but the moment Jungkook saw the clouds, he just wished it would rain of thunders, so he wasn't the only one who's gloomy, when he was already at the lake side, he waited there, talked alone hoping for his kids to hear him even from the smalles chances he could have ever hoped, and waited, and waited and waited, until he saw the first star appeared under the dark.

Because even though he already knew, he still hoped for a change, as this day may be like the any other days - it's still special.

~~

Love was supposed to heal, love is not blind, but it's an open eye, that sees everything and is not selfish. Love is when, you'd learn to love his love ones too, but Jungkook couldn't seem to find himself following any of it, love breaks him apart, love makes him selfish, love makes him blind. Maybe this is not the life for him, maybe he just doesn't deserve this.

It was when, the night was too shallow, Jungkook stared outside the window as he watched the small white flakes fall down slowly, it was the month of December, and it was the first night of snowing, the wind is chilly but it never bothers even though he wore the thinnest fabric of sweater he could have ever found, "So, have you thought about it?" someone spoke from behind, as he looked over his shoulder to face him slightly, just to know that he's aware of the others presence.

Minjae placed a mug of hot beverage at the side table, for Jungkook to drink later, he's been staying at his place for a while now, and a while means, just a few weeks after that night, the place was warm and cozy, also welcoming just like the first night he ran here crying, "Yeah" he replied and stared back at the window, from a far he could see a couple standing under a lamppost, sitting on the bench and it seems like the other one was crying, Jungkook felt his guilt rising up, but there's no turning back now.

"So are you gonna call him?, the papers are here" and Jungkook nodded at that, Taehyungs been contacting him countless and it's never a doubt that it hurts a lot, he got his phone, and it was a surprise that Taehyungs tried to call him again before he could even contact him, he answered.

Ang Taehyungs voice was scary but also scared, "Come pick me up" and he ended the call just that.

~~

It was cold outside as he waited with Minjae by his side, silence lingered and Jungkook noticed the familiar car with the same plate coming on their way, Minjae also noticed it too. When Jungkook slowly stepped away from him, he got stopped, "Jungkook" he called as the other turned around, he spoke "About what I told you these past few days, forget about it, yeah? Don't let it bother you" and Jungkook nodded, stepped a little closer to give him a warm hug, as a sign of thank you, "Don't worry, it won't" he mumbled.

The older felt his eyes burn, maintaining his dry eyes as he could and hugged back, "I understand that you won't ever feel the same way, but I just wish I could take care of you, not the way Taehyung didn't" and the warmth just disappeared and was replaced by the cold wind of December, Jungkook was the first one to let go, "I'm sorry" he said for the last time, and Taehyung was there.

~~

"Mine" he mumbled against the expanse skin of Jungkooks neck, it was already late midnight, no words or arguments spilled from the bottom of their mouths, just a pool of the heaten atmosphere that leads them to where they are now, but Jungkook felt nothing when he was claimed that time.

He sat right up and pushed Taehyungs figure from his top, covered himself as much as possible, he felt ashamed, staying over at someone else's house, made love with his husband but never felt anything, he kept wondering why Taehyung wasn't even suspecting anything, or if he had, why wouldn't he at least chose to talk things out, but maybe, things just always comes to an end, it's either good or bad.

He heard him sighed from behind, he knows Taehyung was hurting too, but quite more problematic, that's why maybe he doesn't need a useless husband anymore, so when morning came, when Taehyung could hear shufflings from here and there, he opened his eyes, saw Jungkook all dressed up and ready to leave, there was a bag and a luggage, and Jungkook was just there, sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to wake up.

"Morning" the younger mumbles, and Taehyung took his time to examine, he's all so neat and well dressed, he'd forgotten already since the last time Jungkook looked like this, and he felt guilty, how he forgotten already how he fell in love from the first time, how he never looked at him like this from the past few years, he's forgotten again, and it was his fault, he became blind.

It all felt like as if it was a dream, when Jungkook kissed him on the cheek lovingly, like they became teens once again, it was beautiful, Jungkook is beautiful, and it's true that you'll realize everything once it's gone, and slowly he's realizing, because Jungkook is leaving.

"let's end this" the younger said with a tear escaping from his eye, Taehyung expected this but never knew how hurt it felt, maybe it's the best that they should, because he knew from the start that he doesn't deserve Jungkook, but Jungkook deserves more when he's just here, trapped by him. It was all a mess, they're a mess, but that doesn't mean he should give up just that, one more time, one last try before it's over, he'd asked, but Jungkook never let him.

"Please, do this for me?" his cheek was soothed, and he felt like crying too, "I've longed for you, for several years when you left, but you never did, and I still longed for your love throughout the years we were married, but you never let me felt it, we've lied through each other, kept secrets, but we made a lot of memories, we had kids, ours, but even them we couldn't protect, and if you really love me, protect your heart and I'll protect mine, and you'll let go."

"Love will always find home, but on the right time, so let me do this"

End

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Nan/N still up for epilogue, idk how will I start it ajdjdjcj