Wishes (A Camren Story)

Chapter 24

"Are you okay?" Lauren asked Camila for the millionth time as she paced back and forth at the bus stop.

"I'm fine," Camila answered as she sat on the bench, watching Lauren pace around. "Are you okay?"

"Okay? Me? I'm fine," Lauren replied uneasy.

The green-eyed girl stood in front of Camila for a second before going back to pacing around.

"Lauren, you're making me nervous."

"Don't be nervous. There's no reason to be nervous. No reason at all. It's not like I'm going to lose any friends or break even more hearts today. It's going to be a good day," Lauren tried to convince.

"You're not going to lose any friends, Lauren," Camila tried to comfort.

"You don't know that," Lauren replied harshly as she stared at the brown-eyed girl, but instantly regret it once she saw the hurt in Camila's eyes. "I'm sorry."

"You're scared. I get it."

"I shouldn't be getting angry at you."

"Do what you need to," Camila shrugged as Lauren took a seat next to her.

The green-eyed girl looked at Camila questioningly. She didn't know how to reply to Camila's comment or if she even should. Camila was the only support she had and if Lauren isn't careful, she could lose it all. She's been on the edge of loosing it and it scared her half to death. There's no knowing what she would do if she lost it all.

"I need to stop with the 'what ifs.' All it's doing is making me even more uneasy."

"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to," Camila stated, taking a few paused before continuing," but what are you truly afraid of?"

"I'm afraid of losing my best friend," Lauren explained. "She's been my best friend for awhile. My first crush. My first everything. I may not be in love with her like I originally thought but she's still a huge part of my life."

"Is it about losing a friend or something more? Because you can always make new friends, everyone has done it."

Lauren stared down at the pink colored concrete and began to swing her legs back and forth. Was it something more? The things Camila said always made her think. They made her dig deeper and find the root of her problems. She was able to find it because of Camila, but sharing the root caused her more pain than what she has expressed.

"You don't have to answer that," Camila said as she watched Lauren continue to think.

"I have an answer," Lauren replied without looking up.

"Then what is it?"

"I can't," Lauren stopped after her voice cracked on the "can't". "I can't say," she forced out.

"So you're not going to tell her today, are you?"

"I don't know, Camila. I'm going to try. You don't understand."

"I'm trying to."

"I don't want to talk about this," Lauren said as she forced herself up in anger while Camila stayed silent on the bench.

Way to go Lauren.

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Lauren never understood herself. 

She never understood the reasons she did things. She never knew why she thought the things she did. She didn't understand why she wasn't like most girls. She was different and she hated it.