Love and Fame (Harry Styles)

Chapter 40

"Oh, my God," I exclaimed as I stared in disbelief at the article in front of me. I had been reading it over and over again, not believing how dumb it all was. "I can't even have a fucking conversation with my brother without being unfaithful to you. Are they being for real with this shit?"

Harry was reading the article over my shoulder and sighed when he saw the pictures and what it was saying. He snaked his arms around my waist from behind, and pulled me close because he didn't know what else to do. He kissed the top of my head as I read the article for the tenth time.

Apparently people hadn't caught up on the fact that Mike and I were just siblings and that the stroll we had had to the playground the other day hadn't been me sneaking around with another guy. Yes, I had had my arm looped through his as we had walked, but anyone remotely sane could see that there was not even a sliver of anything romantic going on between us.

The pictures illustrating the article were sneaky snapshots taken from behind a nearby bush. Picturing the playground in my mind, I could even zero in on which bush the paparazzi had been hiding in. But I hadn't noticed them there at all on the day the pictures had been taken.

One thing was to speculate on who Mike was, but what I couldn't take was the fact that I would be looked upon as a slut whenever I even talked to another guy. For some absurd reason I was always pictured as the bad guy, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

I didn't want Harry to be the one slaughtered by the media either, but what I couldn't understand was why it was only me who was supposedly doing something wrong in our relationship.

Whenever he was spotted with another girl, no one said a thing because he was just talking with a fan or whatever. But whenever I was talking to another guy, I was awarded the slut of the year. People always came to the conclusion that I was being an unfaithful bitch. And I just didn't get it. It wasn't fair.

I could barely breathe as a terrible decision formed in my head. What I was thinking wasn't really fear to neither of us, but I knew that there wasn't really any other way for me to escape the horrible feelings I had inside. The horrible feelings caused by the fucking media.

I twisted in Harry's arms to face him, and took a deep and shaky breath to brace myself for what I was about to say. It wasn't right and I hated it, but I couldn't see any other way.

"I can't do this anymore," I whispered and Harry's beautiful eyes widened because he knew what was coming. I couldn't really believe that the words were coming out of my mouth, but they did anyway. And I couldn't find it in me to stop, even if a part of me wanted to. "My God, I want to because I love you so, so much. I love you so much it hurts, but... I've just come to realize that love and fame can't live in the same place. It's just too damn hard."

For a long time we just faced each other. Harry was processing what I was saying and was trying to find a reply that wouldn't break us completely. But the truth was that I was already broken, and as I replayed in my mind what I had just told him, tears leaked from my eyes.

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen," Harry said in the end, and his voice came out as a quiver. He was on the verge of tears and it broke my heart into a million pieces.

"I know," I said softly as he dried my tears away with his thumb. "And it's not your fault."

"I don't want this to end..."

"Me neither," I said as tears continually formed in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks, too many for Harry to brush away. I had to swallow past a lump in my throat and it was difficult to breathe properly.

"But I'm not gonna hold you back. I can tell that you're not happy anymore," Harry said quietly and I cupped his face in my hands.

"It's not because of you. Because you make me happy," I insisted, desperate for Harry to take in every word that I said. "You've made me happier than I've ever been before. It's just the media. The public exploiting of my... of our life is too hard."

"I know. And so I won't beg you to stay, even if I want to," Harry murmured and took a shaky breath as he pulled me even closer. "I think it'll be easier for both of us if I just accept the reality."

"I love you," I whispered and pressed my lips gently against his as salty tears mixed with the sweet taste of his skin. God, I would miss the feel and taste of his lips on mine. I would miss everything about the wonderful boy I was about to let go... "I'll always love you."

"I love you too, babe," Harry said and blinked to keep the tears in his green eyes from falling. He rested his forehead against mine. "Always will."

"I'll be here if your fame ever fades away," I said and Harry gave me a sad smile because we both knew that he would always be a famous person and that he would always live a publicly exposed life. "I'll be waiting for you, even if you won't come."

"I'll want to come," Harry whispered and pressed his lips gently against mine again. "But I won't. I can't do that to you."

I had really thought that Harry was the One. I had even in the happiest months of our relationship pictured our future together as a married couple with kids and dogs and a pretty house somewhere on the countryside.

But now I realized that we would never have that. Because of who he was, and because of the fact that love and fame couldn't live in the same place.