Love and Fame (Harry Styles)

Chapter 13

Things between Harry and I went back to normal. Or as normal as things could be after two friends realize that they both have feelings for each other, but can't do anything about it.

At least I didn't lose him as a friend - not at first at least - which had been my biggest fear.

When our next stop was Dallas, Texas, I was quite excited because an old friend of mine lived there.

I hadn't seen Luke Ryder since high school and I texted him the minute I learned that I was going to his current relocation. We had kind of been a thing back then, when he had lived in New York, kissing in between classes and fucking at parties in the weekends.

It wasn't like I had feelings for him anymore, but he was an old friend of mine and it would certainly be nice seeing him again.

"Is it okay if I ditch the bus for a while to meet an old friend?" I said as we parked outside the evening's arena.

"Sure," Liam said with a shrug. "Let us know where you are and we'll come pick you up later."

So for the first time in over a month I left the boys to do something on my own. It was a strange feeling to leave the bus and knowing that they wouldn't follow.

It had come to the point where I felt a little lost without the guys. It almost felt wrong not being with them.

I took public transportation for the first time in a long while to get to Luke's house. No one recognized me without the boys yet, so it was quite a peaceful journey.

And then Luke wrapped his strong arms around me for the first time in two years, when I knocked on his door thirty minutes later.

There was no denying that it was great seeing Luke again, but something didn't quite feel the same as before. We ended up having sex, just like old times, but I didn't quite enjoy it. Not like before anyway.

I couldn't help but think about Harry and how I really wanted it to be him entering my body instead of Luke...

Luke and I spent the entire evening in bed. When we weren't having sex we were talking. I was wrapped in his arms and I tried to keep a smile on my face, but he noticed that I was off because he continually asked me if I was okay.

I kept reassuring him that I was, though I really wasn't. My stomach was in a knot and I felt incredibly guilty for being in bed with my old fuck friend.

It wasn't like Harry and I had ever promised each other not to see anyone else. Hell, we hadn't even been an item, but I still felt like I was cheating on him by being with Luke.

I tried telling myself that it was ridiculous. I couldn't forever feel guilty when being with someone else than Harry. He and I had never promised each other anything and I should allow myself to live my life without constantly thinking about him.

After a few hours I got a text that the boys were on their way to pick me up so that we could continue our tour to Denver, so I left Luke's bed with a note of relief and took a quick shower to rinse of the day's sweat. Luke joined me in the shower as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and I didn't have it in me to tell him no.

I would leave and then I would probably never see him again, so I felt like I could give him that one last shower.

When we were finished showering, the tour bus was standing outside. Luke walked me to the door and when we were standing on the steps, he bent down to kiss me goodbye. And I let him, though I didn't really kiss him back. At least not passionately.

When I turned around all the boys were staring at me, mouths open, trough the window of the tour bus. It made me extremely uncomfortable and I feared that they would mock me about Luke for the rest of the tour.

I knew Louis would. He would start joking about love and marriage and everything and it would be so annoying and embarrassing.

But the worst was the look on Harry's face. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were cold and hard. His body was so tense and he looked like he wanted to kill someone. The angry look in his eyes scared me a little.

And that was when I lost Harry as a friend.

"Hey," I said softly and Harry glanced up at me. "You wanna play FIFA or something?"

It had been a couple of days since I had met up with Luke - something I regretted deeply doing - and Harry and I had still not really talked to each other.

To be honest it seemed like he was avoiding me. At the very least he always made sure that we weren't alone so that we couldn't really talk. But at the moment we were, and I was desperate to patch our friendship back together.

"No," Harry said bluntly and his harsh tone made me flinch. "Not really."

"Oh, okay..."

Since Harry didn't want to hang and the others were nowhere to be found, I decided to take a nap. There wasn't much else to do at the moment, and I didn't really want to sit around with Harry when he was being so mean.

Just as I rested my head against the pillow, Niall entered the bus and I heard Harry asking him if he wanted to play FIFA.

What the fuck? Hadn't I just asked him if he wanted to play? Why was he being such a dick?

I felt like crying, but I tried not to. I didn't want Harry or Niall to hear my stifled sobs. And I didn't want anyone to see me shed tears for a bastard like Harry.

In the end I cried anyway. I couldn't help it.

Why hadn't I just kissed Harry when he had wanted to? Why had I pushed him away and told him we couldn't be more than friends?

The boy I was in love with had been right there, right within reach, and I had pushed him away for what exactly? I had told Harry no because of some dumb promise I had made myself. How thick could I be?

I had been so worried that being more than friends with Harry would complicate things, but now we were just friends and things were even more complicated than ever.