Searching the Darkness

Chapter Twenty Two: ...And the Lord Taketh Away

I woke up with both of my arms asleep. I cursed softly and flapped my hands around in a pitiful attempt to wake them up. "Dean?" Cas asked groggily. I froze, my pose imitating a t-Rex. "What are you doing?"

"Um... Nothing?"

Cas giggled and pulled me back down. "You're a terrible liar," he smiled sleepily. "But I love that about you."

"I'm glad," I laughed softly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Now go back to sleep."

"Mm-hm," he mumbled.

"Wait," I suddenly blurted out. He wearily opened one eye, its blueness glazed over with exhaustion. "You have beautiful eyes." He giggled softly, a faint blush creeping up his cheeks. He nestled his head into the crook of my neck, his messy hair tickling my nose. I ran my fingers through his hair, sighing happily. "The bluest blue and the greenest green." I thought back to what Cas had described our eyes like and smiled, "The sky touching the earth." My eyes fell shut again, only to be reopened a few hours later by light cursing. "Cas?"

"Sorry, Dean," he whispered. "I have to get to work. But I'll be back this afternoon, okay?" I nodded. Cas pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I love you."

"Love you, too," I smiled. I fell back asleep for another few hours before I was woken by Sam's shrieks from the kitchen. "Sam?" I bolted upright. "Sammy?!" I cried, fumbling to stand up. I blinked hard, trying to clear the black spots that danced around the corner of my vision. They eventually disappeared, leaving a faint knot of worry in the pit of my stomach. I finally decided to just close my eyes and run. Yanking open my bedroom door, I slid into the hallway. "Sam!"

"Dean?" I heard my brother whimper.

I ran towards his voice, my eyes still squeezed shut. Once I had come to a complete stop, I pried open my eyes and frantically looked him over. I couldn't see any blood, so that was a step in the right direction. "Sammy, what's going on?"

He shook his head, tears pooling in his eyes. "S-Stanford..."

My eyes widened. "They didn't kick you out, did they?" I asked.

Sam shook his head again. "The-the dorms..." I frowned, still confused. "There was a-a fire..."

My heart sank as I put the pieces together. "Was Je-"

"Don't say her name!" he screamed, crumpling to the ground. I knelt beside him, pulling him tightly into my arms. His hands balled into tense fists around the back of my shirt, his tears soaking through the cotton. His shoulders shook with his sobs. "I should've been there..."

"Sammy-"

"No!" he cried, shoving me away. "I should've been there! But I was here for you, instead!"

I swallowed thickly, my heart beating faster. "Sam, please-"

"This is your fault, Dean! If you hadn't tried to kill yourself in the snow, I could've been there for her!"

"Sammy, I didn't mean-"

He angrily shook his head, glaring at me. "I'm going back tonight."

My eyes widened in shock. "Sam, you can't just-"

"I can, and I will," he hissed, storming to his room. I sat on the kitchen floor in shock until he came back out with his duffel bag. "Why'd you do it?"

I looked up at him, my eyes puffy. "Do what?"

"Give up. Why'd you give up?" Unable to come up with a good answer, I looked to the ground. "Unbelievable," he shook his head, scoffing. "Screw you, Dean. I wish you had died." With that, he was gone, the front door slamming in his wake.