Searching the Darkness

Chapter Thirteen: The Cold Never Bothered Him Anyway

I froze. It couldn't be... Cas couldn't be the little boy from the hospital, right? Before I had the chance to ask him any more questions, I heard his soft snoring. I sighed, trying to fall asleep. After tossing and turning for what seemed like hours, I gave up. Slowly pulling on some sweatpants, I tiptoed outside.

My hands slipped inside my sweatshirt pocket as the late October wind gusted around my face. I shivered, feeling my breath fog around my lips as I took a shaky breath. I wasn't sure where I wanted to go, so I just wandered the streets until I stopped outside of an old gate. The hinges screeched as I pushed it open; a sound that hadn't changed since I was a boy.

Slowly making my way across the uneven ground, I knelt down. Running my fingers across the freezing granite, I felt the name I just wanted to forget. "Hi, Mom," I whispered, my voice cracking. I stroked the headstone, desperate to remember my mother's face.

As her face slowly became blurrier, the tears started to come. The streaks froze as the tears slipped down my cheeks, my face burning from the cold. I let out a loud sob, my hands gripping the stone as tightly as I could. I cried until my eyes were nearly frozen shut, my hands trembling as they began to lose circulation.

Curling into a ball, I nestled up to my mother's grave. I was shaking from the cold, just wishing that she would come back. "Why'd you leave us, Mom?" I cried, hugging my knees to my chest. "Why'd you have to die?" I shook my head as my lip trembled, threatening more tears.

"Dean..."

"Mom?" my head whipped up.

"Dean," a blanket was settled across my shoulders as strong arms wrapped around me.

Bursting into a fresh wave of tears, I turned into Cas' chest. "I don't want to forget her!" I sobbed, clinging to him for dear life. "I don't want to lose my mom again," I whimpered.

Cas ran his fingers gently through my hair, his voice soft. "Dean, you're gonna be okay. I won't let you forget."

"What are you going to do about it?" I asked. "There's nothing you can do." I sniffed, from both the tears and the cold. "Just leave me alone, Cas." I pulled the blanket tighter around me, leaning back against the grave.

"Dean-"

"Go away, Cas!" I cried.

His hands disappeared from around me as he stood up, his warmth trailing behind him. He didn't say a word as he walked away, the hinges of the gate screaming as he left. I began sobbing again, slowly rocking myself back and forth for comfort. My head began to ache, the throb dulling slightly once I rested my forehead on the cold stone.

"I just want you to come back," I whimpered. "Just come back to me." I eventually cried myself to sleep, my cheek resting against the headstone. Most of my body had already become numb, the cold seeping through the blanket. As my consciousness slipped into blackness, I could've sworn that I heard my mother calling my name.

Cas walked back home, a knot tightening in his gut. Dean shouldn't stay out in this weather, especially without the proper gear. "But he didn't want you there," he reminded himself. Cas sighed, reentering the apartment. "He'll probably be back in a couple hours," he tried to reassure himself.

He climbed into bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. The feeling in his gut wouldn't disappear as he fell into a light, restless sleep. His eyes snapped open at the crack of dawn, noticing that Dean still hadn't come home.

In a panic, Cas threw on his jacket, sprinting out into the frosty morning. His breath froze in quick puffs as he panted, running towards the cemetery. Shoving open the gate, he nearly fell onto several sharp headstones. "No," he whispered as he caught sight of the dark green blanket, still curled in a tight ball. "Dean!" he screamed.