Searching the Darkness

Prologue: The Black Despair

"Sammy!" I called angrily as I stormed all across the house. "Where is my Batman?"

Dad had left us alone while he ran to get some groceries. I was eight, I didn't need a babysitter. I peered into his room, growling when it was empty.

I stormed up the stairs, freezing when I heard my little brother's soft voice. He was making sound effects from somewhere to my left. Creeping up to the hall closet, I yanked open the door.

"Gotcha!"

Sam looked up at me with wide eyes and he continued to smash our action figures together.

"Give it back," I demanded, holding out my hand.

"No! You're not playing with it!" Sam shook his head and sprinted around my legs.

"Sammy," I persisted. "It's mine. And I'm in charge, so you have to do what I say." I reached for the toy and tried to snatch it from his hands.

Sam held on tight. For a four year old, he had an impressive grip. I backed up, still trying to pull Batman from his hands. "Dee! Stop!" he whined. "I had it first!"

"But it's mine!" I retorted, getting ready to yank the toy from Sam. "Sammy, let go of it!"

My little brother shook his head. "I was playing with it!"

"Sammy, I said let go!"

"No!" With a feat of strength I didn't know he possessed, Sam tore the Batman from my grip, sending me reeling backwards.

I felt myself fall, my hands desperately reaching for the railing beside the steps. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Sam dropped the toy as he watched me fall.

I saw his panicked eyes as he froze on top of the stairs. I saw the tears running down his face as he brokenly called my name. I saw his face dim. I saw... Nothing.

***

I woke up in a bed with lots of beeping by my sides. I tried to open my eyes, but there must've been a bandage on them, because everything was black. Or maybe it was just nighttime.

"Dean?" I heard my dad's voice.

"Dad, why can't I open my eyes?" I asked.

My father went silent. "Your eyes are open."

I shook my head. "They-they can't be! I can't see!"

I flinched when my dad's rough hand grabbed my own. "Dean, when you fell, you hit your head. The doctors said the fall caused severe damage in your optic nerves. You hit your occipital lobe pretty hard."

"What does that mean?" I asked softly.

I heard him swallow. "It means you're blind, Dean."

My breath hitched in my throat. "Will I ever be able to see again?"

"Probably not."

I nodded slowly. "Oh."

I heard the chair scrape as Dad stood up. "Do you want me to bring in Sammy?"

"Yeah." I heard his footsteps exit my room, only to come back a few minutes later.

"Is Dee gonna be okay?" I heard Sam ask.

"Dean is going to be alright, Sammy, but..." he trailed off. "But Dean is blind now, Sammy. He's not going to be able to see anymore."

"No!" Sam cried.

"Sammy. Dean is going to be okay, just-"

Sam was wailing now. "No! Dean's faking! Stop faking, Dean!"

I heard my father's sharp voice. "Sam, enough. We're going outside." My dad lifted Sam up. "Dean needs to sleep."

"...He's never going to see how I look again?" Sam asked softly. I heard my father begin to walk away. "But I wanna see Dean!"

I squeezed my eyes shut and curled my hands into fists around the sheets. "I'm so sorry, Sammy." I cried as I sat up, pushing my face into my hands. "Sorry, Sam... I won't be able to see your face anymore. Or anyone else's... Ever again."

"Was that your brother?"

I yelped in surprise when a soft voice spoke to my left. I was too absorbed in my own thoughts that I didn't hear the curtain that separated the room in half open.

"I'm sorry," the boy said. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't scare me!" I protested as I tried to slow my racing heart. "Who are you? What do you want?"

Where are you? I thought bitterly.

"That little boy who was here. That was your brother?"

"Yeah... Sammy."

"I read that blind people can see with their hands." Suddenly, his small fingers grabbed my wrist.

"Dude, what are-" I began protesting. I stopped when he put my hand on his head. "I... Whoa." I ruffled his hair through my fingers. "You need a haircut," I giggled as I ran my fingers through his messy hair.

"Uh, thanks?"

I held my hand up to where I thought my eye level was. "I'll be able to see my little brother again," I whispered. "Thank you," I smiled towards the boy's voice.

***

Sam came running in later that afternoon. "Dee!"

"Heya, Sammy," I said.

He crawled onto my bed, sitting down next to my legs. "So you won't be able to see me any more?"

I slowly reached out for him. "It's okay Sammy," I said as my hand touched his cheek. "I can still see you with my hands."

I felt a tear drip from Sam's eye. "Really?"

"Really," I nodded. "But you need a haircut," I ruffled his hair.

Sam shoved my hand away, laughing. "Are we still friends?"

I struggled to pull him into a hug. "You're my brother, Sammy. We'll always be best friends."

***

I yawned as the TV continued to play. It kinda sucked to not be able to see, but I had gotten the hang of it. I turned 15 a week ago and I was starting high school that fall. I was nervous. A new school, new people.

"Hey, Sammy," I said.

My brother grunted from the opposite end of the couch. "Huh?"

"You know what I don't miss seeing?"

"Hm?"

"Your face," I burst out laughing. Sam didn't say anything. "Sammy? I-" A pillow smashed into the side of my face. "Ow!"

I bet that Sam was grinning smugly. "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot. You can't see."

I lunged towards his voice, but he stood up. "I'm gonna kill you, Sam!"

"If you can even find me," he giggled, running off. I went silent, straining my ears to listen for his footfalls.

He was heading towards the hallway. I followed him outside, tiptoeing behind him. "Gotcha!" I jumped for him, but began to panic when I didn't grab on to anything. "Sam!" I screamed as I felt myself begin to fall.

"Dean!" I felt his hand grab me and straighten me up, his hands resting on my shoulders. "Dean, you're alright."

"S-stairs," I whispered, trembling. "I was gonna fall down the... the..."

Sam hugged me tightly. "Dean, we don't have stairs at this house. It's okay. You're not gonna fall."

I hugged him back. "Thanks, Sammy."