Searching the Darkness

Chapter Eleven: Fears and How to Overcome Them

"Heya, Sammy!" I exclaimed, relieved to hear my brother's voice. "How's the first month of college going?"

"Great," he replied. "I've met so many people. There's this one girl, Jessica..." he trailed off, probably with his stupid love-struck grin on his face.

I laughed. "I know that tone of voice, Sammy."

"You know what? Shut up, Dean," Sam laughed. "Anyways, how are things with Cas?"

"They're great, Sammy," I squeezed Cas' hand as we continued to walk down the sidewalk. "I don't know how I managed to snag such a great guy." Cas smacked my arm, obviously blushing. I made kissy noises towards him, breaking off into a fit of giggles. "Tell me more about this Jessica."

He went on to say how amazing she was: pretty, smart, and funny. I grinned, knowing that my little brother was living out his college dream. "What do you think? Should I ask her out?"

"I say go for it, Sammy," I smiled. "Just make sure that she's not blind when you write your number on her coffee cup."

Sam laughed as Cas hit me again. "She's not blind, Dean," he smiled.

"Just making sure that you don't make a fool out of yourself," I laughed, this time stopping before Cas had the chance to smack me. He kept walking, not paying attention to the sidewalk in front of him. I heard him slip, then the repeated thuds of him falling down. "Oh, my God," I gasped.

"What?" Sam's voice was worried. "Dean, what is it? What happened?"

"Cas just fell down the... He f-fell down..."

"Dean, what happened?" Sam was nearly to the point of panic.

I shook my head as I began to hyperventilate. "Cas fell down s-stairs," I whispered.

"Is he alright?"

"Cas?" I called. No response. "Cas?" My voice cracked as I tried again. Still nothing. "No, no not him..." I whispered. "God, please not him..."

"Dean!" Sam called, trying to get my attention back. "What's going on? Is Cas okay?"

My lip began trembling as I felt for the top of the stairs. "I have to go get him, Sammy," I said softly.

"Dean-"

"I have to!"

Sam sighed. "Call me back when you figure things out, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay. Bye, Sammy."

"Bye." The phone clicked and I shoved it into my pocket as I felt for the railing. I felt my hands begin to tremble because of how tightly I was holding on to the dirty metal, slowly shuffling down the stairs.

"Cas?" I called again. This time, I got a faint groan in response. "Cas!" I willed my feet to shuffle faster. "Cas, hang on, baby. I'm coming." I heard him slowly sit up, wincing. I stopped when I felt my foot tap something alive. "Cas?"

"Yeah," he groaned.

I fell to my knees, my hands checking for injuries. I ran my fingers through his hair, freezing when I felt something sticky and warm. "Cas, you're bleeding," I whimpered.

"Hey," he pulled my hand from his head, his voice soft. "Dean, I'm okay. Just a little shaken up."

My lip trembled as I rubbed my fingers together, slightly sickened by the coppery scent of blood. "You didn't answer, I thought... I thought that you..." I heaved in a breath, my eyes tearing up.

"Whoa, Dean," his hand was on my cheek. "Dean, I promise: I'm fine." I started crying when he pulled my head to his chest, telling me to listen to his heartbeat. "I'm alive, Dean. Just listen. I'm alive."

I closed my eyes and listened to the steady thumps of his heart. "Do you need to see a doctor?" I asked.

"I don't think so," he replied, a smile in his voice.

Taking a deep breath, I sat up, my eyes still closed. "I just... Really care about you, Castiel."

He kissed me. "I really care about you, too. Now, come on. We should be getting home."

"Why's that?"

Cas sighed. "I was going to tell you sooner, but I didn't have the right opportunity. My mom is coming to visit."

I blinked in surprise. "And... does she know? I mean, about us?"

"Yeah," Cas smiled. "I think she's always known. At least about me."

I sighed in relief as Cas helped me stand up. "I was worried that we'd have to pretend."

"You never have to pretend around my family. I don't give two shakes of a rat's ass if they care or not."

I smiled, noticing his choice of words. "Do rats shake their ass, or is it something else?"

Cas laughed, slowly walking with me back up the stairs. I sighed when we finally reached solid ground. "I am fairly certain that it is indeed their asses that they shake." I rolled my eyes. He took my hand, walking us back to the apartment. "I'll get the guest room cleaned up for Mom. You can call Sam."

I nearly forgot. "Thanks for reminding me, Cas."

"What are awesome boyfriends for?"

"Shut up and kiss me," I grinned. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek as the elevator doors opened. When we finally got inside, I flopped down on the couch, pulling out my cell.

"Dean!" Sam gasped, picking up on the second ring. "It's been an hour! What happened? How is Cas?"

"He's fine," I said. "Just bumped his head a little on the way down. He says it's nothing to worry about."

"But you're still worrying," Sam stated.

I scoffed. "What? No, I'm fine."

"I may not be the blind one, but I can tell when you're worried, Dee." He sighed. "Keep an eye on him, Dean. He might not-"

"Really, Sam?"

He rolled his eyes, huffing. "He might not realize it, but it's possible that the fall resulted in a mild concussion. Just make sure that he's not spending a lot of time on electronics, as well as reading for too long. Avoid things that could be stressful, and-"

"Whoa, Sam," I grinned. "What are you, a lawyer or a doctor? Either way, I'm impressed. You've done more than I have."

He sighed. "Dee, I'm sorry about what happened."

"Sammy, it's not your fault. Besides you were too young to remember."

"Yeah..." he trailed off.

"Look, Sammy, whatever you remember... Is probably messed up. You couldn't have understood what was going on. It wasn't your fault, Sam."

His voice was barely a whisper, "Yes, it was."

"No, it's not," I argued. "So cut it out. You were four, Sam. Besides, accidents happen. Usually, they happen for a reason. Accidents don't just happen accidentally. Wait," I blinked, trying to comprehend what I just said.

Sam laughed. "Right."

"Sammy, please don't blame yourself. I don't blame you. You shouldn't, either."

"Okay," he sighed. "Okay, I won't." I could tell that he still blamed himself, but I wasn't going to say anything. "Well, as much as I'd love to continue this conversation, I really need to study."

"Nerd," I coughed.

"Jerk!"

"Bitch," I smiled. "Call again tomorrow, Sam. And keep me posted about this Jessica girl."

"I will. Night, Dean."

"Goodnight, Sam." I stood up, preparing to help Cas with whatever else he needed. I was stopped by a knock on the door. I wandered over to it, pulling it open. I was greeted by the strong scent of a woman's perfume. "Uh, can I help you?"

"You must be Dean," she squeaked, pinching my cheeks together. "Aren't you just the cutest thing ever!" I blinked in surprise at the sudden contact. "Oh, and such pretty eyes!" She backed up. "I'm Minnie Novak. Castiel's mother."