Dear Diary,
Every time I walk past a mirror, I see me, but I also see all of the flaws that are driving him away. I know that it's something that I've done or said that has changed the dynamic between Owen and myself, but I cannot for the life of me figure it out. Is it that he finally sees all of the scars that mar my skin? Does he see the ones that run deeper, the ones that stain my soul and tear across my heart?
He's this beautiful being who would sacrifice himself for the people he loves. I saw it regularly when we were looking for Volto. He'd stay up while forcing the others to sleep. He'd take the riskier assignments to keep his family safe. He's an amazing man. It's why I am drawn to him.
I used to think that I was a part of the group he considered family, but now, I'm not certain. Maybe he realized that I'm not worth it. He almost died because of me, and honestly, I'm surprised that it took this long for him to come to this conclusion. I'm nothing special. I'm ordinary. I'm not an artist or a musician. I'm not a scientist or an athlete. I can't heal the sick, and I can't even change a tire, let alone build a car from scratch. I don't know the first thing about picking locks or scaling walls...I know that I don't really have a place with them. I could accept the distance if it didn't hurt so much.
After the explosion, we all had to stay close to one another, to be sure that everyone was safe and alive. I miss hearing Owen call me his love. I can see them all struggling with this new distance I've forced upon them, but I just know that if I let myself plunge in again, the pain when they discover that I'm not worth it will be my undoing.
