Dear Diary,
I want to have faith in what they are all telling me, but I just can't let myself believe. Don't actions speak louder than words? I've picked up my new cell phone a dozen times already, starting to type a message to Owen and then losing my nerve. Why is it so hard now? Was he just humoring me until I could move? Did I offend him somehow?
Everyone else is acting weird too. North is more aggressive than before, which keeps him and Silas both at arms length, and Gabriel seems to be on the constant verge of panicking. Kota is busier than I've ever seen him, and I'm lucky if I get ten minutes of his time. Victor is usually helping Kota with whatever is going on, and Nathan is acting strange toward all of us. Luke and Sean are the only ones I've seen much of, and honestly, I don't know what to make of it. Sean wants to fix me so badly that I'm not sure if he's seeing me as a patient or as a friend.
All of this upheaval has made me react poorly. I am having a hard time opening up to them anymore, and I'm crying a lot. I'm so afraid of what's coming, that I have been isolating myself from them the few times that they are around. I won't let anyone sleep in my room now, and I keep flinching whenever they touch me. Luke flat out refuses to sleep in the other room, so he's taken to making a bed up for himself on the floor beside me. I'm secretly relieved to not be alone, but there's fear too. I'm afraid that the day is approaching when he'll become sick of always having to look out for me. When he'll realize what a burden I am.
I've stopped reaching out for them too. I'm terrified that my dreams will become reality and they'll all turn to ash and crumble away. I just want to find my footing again. I don't want to be like this.
