Mental

Chapter Eighteen|The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide...

Phil

Phil was terrified.

The screaming and kicking two rooms away was torturing his brain.

Sage had a break down yesterday. He was screaming saying that he needed to talk to Phil and Evan. Needed them to know about Ren. How she told him about death.

The doctors said that he hadn't slept in two weeks, and was losing it. There was no need to worry about him it was probably just sleep deprivation. Probably.

Sugar wouldn't stop crying. She didn't understand why she couldn't see him. She was worried sick. What had happened? No one really knew.

Before it happened he was calm. Talking to himself as always, but completely calm. He was drawing, when he snapped his pencil and jabbed it into Nurse Greta's leg. Sage had never once had a violent outbreak. His record was squeaky clean.

But like the pencil, he had snapped.

Room 10-24; right next to Evan's room, was now empty. Sage was placed in Room 10-56. A room in the Solitary Confinement area.

Phil has never even seen it.

It was a like a classic ward. White, padded walls, and no windows. Stiff board for a bed with straps to hold you down. Well, that was the rumor. Some believe it's more of a prison. Stone enclosed with guards outside the door.
A lot of people just hope they never find out.

Evan heard every word that Sage had said as he was dragged away by Chris, and two other security guys. Sage was warning him about falling in love. How it can kill you. Evan didn't listen. Life was short anyway.

He just watched. Feeling horrified.

And now Evan and Phil laid together in Evan's room, just staring at each other blankly. Breathing slowly. Neither of them had said a word to each other in days.

When Phil heard the news of Sage's breakdown he simply left his room, and came in here. Didn't say 'hi' to Evan, didn't ask him to move over. He just needed his presence.

It was like they had a silent understanding.

He climbed into bed next to him, the world seeming black and white. Strangely empty. Sound brings color, and with no voice it was newspaper filter.

Phil stared at Evan. His favorite comfort.

His aura seemed to be working as Phil felt calmer than ever.

Even in the middle of catastrophe.

"Evan?" Phil asked quietly, breaking their earlier silence.

"Yeah?"

"What did Sage say to you before they dragged him away?"

"Falling in love is a silent serial killer. Never talk to strangers."

Phil took a deep breath as if inhaling those words. They were oddly beautiful.

"Why did he say that?" Phil asked.

"I don't know."

Phil sighed, "You think we'll lose our minds twice?"

Evan shrugged, "It happens to the best of us."

Phil nodded, "My brother used to tell me that peoples minds are like colors; it's the darker ones that outline the world."

Evan laughed, "Your brother was a hundred percent right. Peoples minds are like colors; it's the crazy ones that nobody ever knows," Evan says.

"Why do you say that?"

"I used to want to die so badly I almost did a back flip off a bridge."

Phil's eyes widened. That was unexpected.

"Can I ask what stopped you?"

Evan chuckled at the memory, "It was a single sentence that turned me around, 'Funny, I always took you for the type to want go out with a bang..."

Phil smiled, "Odd. Who told you that?"

"The man who killed the only girl I ever loved."

The room goes silent.

"The man who saved your life killed Ren?" Phil asked quietly.

Evan nods.

"Well, where is he now?"

"I killed him."

Phil finds himself in shock again. He can't really reply to that can he? Sweet, little Evan was a killer. Evan, who spent hours looking out the window, or comforting Phil when he had nightmares. Who sang to him when he was at his weakest. A murderer.

"Do you regret it?" Phil asked.

"No," Evan replied in a monotone.

"What did it feel like?"

"Inhuman."

"Why?"

"I felt like I had become a monster. There was this sick feeling of realizing what I did, but along with that there was this surge of power. You feel almost superior to all. Like a decider of death."

"Are you over it?"

Evan laughed, "The blood on your hands is there forever. There is no over it. Though I felt like I had discarded my humanity, I don't regret it."

"But he saved your life..."

"And I took his."

"That is all kinds of messed up."

"That's a polite way to describe my mental state, Phil."

"Was Ren alive when you...tried to...you know?"

"Kill myself?"

"Yeah..."

Evan laughed, "Phil we're crazy, and depressed. We talk about suicide like it's politics. Over tea, and failing to stray away from opinions."

Phil nodded, "Somehow, I understand you."

Evan smiled, "We understand each other."

"So, was she alive?" Phil asked again.

"No."

"Then why did you let the man who killed her be the one to save your life?"

"It could have been the irony of it all, or the way he did it, but I've come to the conclusion that it was neither. When I met his eyes on that bridge, I realized I never did make him pay for taking her life."

"So, you killed him?"

"I smiled at him from the bridge, and hopped down onto the street. I pulled my gun from my pocket, and held it to my head and asked him, 'Is this what you want?"

Phil was infatuated with Evan's soft words as he told his story, "How did he answer?"

"He asked me, 'Is this what you want?' And I smiled at him again as he made realize that it wasn't what I wanted at all."

"What did you want?"

"Revenge."

Phil takes a deep breath, "What happened next?"

"I told him no, and pulled the gun from my head, and it pointed it at him. His face was so scared I found it hysterical. I pulled the trigger on him while I laughed."

Phil got closer to Evan so he could look deeper into his eyes, "You have more secrets than anyone else here, don't you?"

Evan smiled, "Do I scare you?"

Phil shook his head, "Normal people scare me."

-

AN: Stop me this wasn't planned

That last line was not planned

Why why why