Stockholm Syndrome? ✔

S.S 28

Archer's POV

Ever felt you were caught between a rock and a hard place? I did. Both sides had swords waiting to be plunged into my abdomen. I already imagined the blood trickling. Many would say I was brave, I wasn't. I chose the less scary side.

There was torture at the hands of Felix and then there was nothing. I chose nothing, even if it meant a bleak existence. I would recover at some point. I would move on with my life and not yearn for the love of someone who put me at the same level as the toys he used for desire.

I'd thought about it that night I went out with Damian. I hadn't slept the whole night, unable to get the thoughts of Felix with Ricky out of my head. I could see Ricky smiling and so carefree and I wished I had no idea what he did for a living.

Felix had gone back.

It shouldn't have hurt, but the pain was intense. For once in a long time I thought about what it meant giving myself to Felix. I had behaved wantonly, lustfully. I didn't think about the repercussions it would have. I didn't think I'd find myself clinging to a guy who kidnapped me with the intention of killing me. I didn't think I'd fall for that guy.

But how could I not?

Using Clark's words, he was perfect. He had an aura so captivating it was hard to resist. He talked not of perfection but reality. He misguidedly tried to save the world. His hands weren't pure, but his heart was...and he had mine.

The butterflies, the fake annoyance, the red cheeks, the serenity...I couldn't ignore it anymore. I let my feelings bubble to the surface. Better the enemy you knew.

With acknowledging my feelings came two choices. I could either dwell and bask in them and allow myself to be hurt by Felix's shenanigans or I could shut them out and keep Felix at arm's length. I chose the latter.

The boundaries were back and firmly in place.

Felix insisted on staying to protect me. I let him do it, but that was where I intended for it to end. I would do whatever he thought was safe for me if I thought he was right and that would be it. Overtime he would leave and things would go back to normal.

I thought about my kiss with Damian. I didn't regret kissing him, but I regretted kissing him because of anger. The kiss all but confirmed the spark with Damian wasn't there, but it also told me the extent on my feelings for Felix. I impulsively used another guy just to wipe the smug smile off Felix's face. I didn't have to, but a part of me thought that would make Felix jealous and angry.

I had been keeping Damian at arm's length ever since. We texted each other a lot but rarely had meaningful conversations. I always changed the subject if he got serious. I could tell he was keen on having a relationship with me. I tried, but I couldn't see him as more than a friend, not with Felix in my heart.

I'd been with Len for 2 years. I'd asked him out when we'd barely talked before, so I knew relationships could start without a spark and overtime Damian and I could fall in love and be comfortable with each other, but I couldn't see that happening. My heart was foolishly adamant that wasn't going to happen as long as Felix was in my life, and quite possibly even after he left.

Felix had to go, and the sooner the better.

==

We argued about me attending classes Monday morning. It was so ridiculous I stormed out. I wasn't going to miss classes over something I wasn't sure was going to happen. If I failed I'd have to repeat stuff while he basked in his millions!