"'Sorry' Seems to Be the Hardest Word" (Toby)

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As soon as I walked in from school, I knew something was wrong.

“Toby, we have to go.” Mum was shaking uncontrollably. Her face was clammy and pale, and her eyes were wide, a warning, her voice dropped to a hiss. “Now.”

“Mum, just calm down.” I took her shoulders and faced her. “Listen to me. Everything is going to be fine. Tell me what’s happened.”

“Y-y-your father.”

“What?”

“H-h-he’s here.”

“But you said…”

“Never mind what I said…” she cut off.

“Well, well. If it isn’t Toby. Hello son!” Dad was stood at the top of the stairs, just as handsome as he’d always been. His hair was slightly greyer than I remembered and he was skinnier too. Lottie was stood at his elbow.

“Why you little…” Mum lunged up the stairs after Lottie, but I grabbed her.

“Mum!”

“Calm down, Olivia.” Dad’s hand was clasped around Lottie’s. “I’m sure we can sort this out without too much embarrassment on your behalf.” He paused, and his eyes hardened. “The kids should be with me. Do you remember what happened last time you were left to your own devices? You almost killed yourself, and Toby with you.” His face contorted. “You’re ill, Olivia. Get help.”

“I have!” Mum screamed, her blonde hair falling from her ponytail. “I’m better now, on medication. Ask Toby, he sees me take it every morning.” She nodded in my direction. I nodded in return.

“It’s true,” I murmured quietly, my arms still wrapped around mum. She shrugged me off.

“I’m not letting you take these kids, Drew. You’re gonna have to fight me for them.”  She snarled menacingly. Dad let go of Lottie’s hand and lifted his hands in mock surrender.

“No fighting is necessary, Olivia. I’ve already won the battle in court. What you’ve done effectively is abduction.” He nodded to me. “Tobes, go and pack some stuff for you and Lottie. You’re coming back to Swansea with me.” A rock as heavy as a lorry landed in the pit of my stomach.

“No.” Both parents ceased their fighting and turned to stare at me. “No. I can’t leave mum, dad. As you said, you saw the last time she was left alone. I’m old enough to look after her now. I’m not coming.” Lottie gaped at me from the stairs. To my surprise, dad agreed.

“Alright then,” he nodded. “But, I’m taking Lottie. She needs to be looked after properly.” His eyes locked with mine. “But I’m coming back for you Toby, once we get settled, okay?”

I nodded slowly. I intended to delay this as long as possible, for Sarah’s sake.

“No! You can’t do this!” Mum shrieked, melting to the floor.

“Give it a break, Olivia,” dad spat cruelly. “Lottie, back down here in five minutes. I’ll be in the car.” He nodded at me before disappearing down the front path to his old Golf that I knew was parked haphazardly on the kerb. A moment later, and I heard the engine roar. His five minute warning to Lottie.

Pushing past mum, who was lying, sobbing on the floor, I sprinted up the stairs and into Lottie’s room. Lottie was throwing everything she owned into a pink rucksack. Half her stuff wasn’t even unpacked yet from moving here.

“Lottie.” I cupped her face in my hands. “You don’t have to go.” She looked up at me, and a trail of black seeped down her cheek from where her tears smudged her mascara.

“Yes,” she said thickly, “I do.”

“Listen,” I said hurriedly, as she turned back to her packing. “There are some things you don’t know about dad.” Mum’s words echoed in my head. “Dad’s been involved in… some “dishonest things”, and that’s why mum brought us here. I don’t know what’s going on.”

Lottie zipped up her rucksack as the Golf honked below.

“Toby,” she said. “Open your eyes. Mum’s tried to kill herself seven times. She’s been in more rehabs than Amy Winehouse and she’s on bipolar medication. Now who’s the nutter?”

She walked past me down the stairs. I ran after her. She got in the car as I skidded up beside them.

“Please don’t go.” The words came out full of plea. I was almost begging my rat of a sister to stay so I wouldn’t have to stay alone. I knew what mum was capable of. Lottie looked up at me, her eyes full of tears.

“Goodbye, Toby.”

Dad stamped on the accelerator and the Golf tore off down the road. I watched the empty road until my eyes burned with tears.

What the hell was I supposed to do now?

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