Before there was we (Completed)

20

Need.

"Are you really sure you want a real position now? Anak, you don't have to. I'm always here to support..." Hindi natapos ni papa ang sasabihin dahil nagsalita na ako.

"Yes pa. It's for the best. I want this. I also need a distraction. Please, papa. I need this job." Pagmamakaawa ko na. After what Adam has said? I don't think I can face him just yet. I still want to know why he said that to me last time pero ilang araw ko na siyang hindi nakakausap. Tuwing gigising ako, wala sila ng anak namin. Tuwing uuwi ako, kung hindi sila tulog, wala pa siya. I sighed heavily when I felt the same pain I feel everyday.

Bumuntunghininga si papa bago tumango at nagsalita. "Alright then. You'll be meeting with Mr. Delgado tomorrow to for the partnership. I know you won't let me down on this one. I know how efficient you are when it comes to work anak. I trust you. If you need anything, don't forget to come near me okay?" Masayang niyakap ko si papa.

"Thank you pa. I won't let you down. I promise you that. But I also need a secretary starting tomorrow pa." I pouted. He chuckled.

"That's too easy to solve darling. You'll have your own secretary first thing in the morning." He smiled sweetly before kissing my forehead. He left after and I was left alone again. My smile suddenly vanished the moment the door closed. I sighed heavily. I don't know how many times do I need to sigh this way. I just hope my sufferings will end soon. The day ended well. Naayos ko ang mga dapat kong ayusin bago ako tuluyang bumalik sa trabaho kinabukasan. Nakapaghanap ako ng nanny ng anak namin ni Adam without his knowledge. Alam kong magagalit iyon pero sa ngayon ay ayaw ko na munang isipin siya. I want to rebuild myself. I want to be strong this time.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Napapikit ako ng mga mata ng marinig ang galit niyang boses pagkasara ko ng pintuan. I know he already knew na kumuha ako ng nanny. I inhaled and exhaled before facing him with a poker face. Lalong umigting ang kanyang panga noong magtama ang mga mata naming dalawa.

"My son needs a nanny because I'll be busy starting tomorrow. The company needs me. Hindi ko naman papabayaan ang anak ko. I chose someone I can trust so don't worry because he's in good hands. If you have something to say, can we have it tomorrow na lang? Pagod ako Adam. I need to rest. May pasok pa ako bukas. Mauna na ako ha?" I said coldly. Naglakad ako papuntang kwarto pero agad niyang hinablot ang braso ko noong madaanan ko na siya. I smiled bitterly. Here we go again. Nagmatapang akong tumingin sa kanya. My heart ached when I saw how he stared at me with total hatred. Umigting pa lalo ang panga niya at humigpit na ang pagkakahawak sa braso ko.

"Hindi ikaw ang magdedesisyon dito Eunice. This is my house. Andito ka lang para bantayan ang anak ko! Wala kang karapatang magdesisyon." Malamig niyang sagot. Gusto ko mang iyakan ang sinabi niya ay wala na akong maiiyak pa. I've had enough of the pain and tears. Sa tingin ko nga konting tulak na lang ay magiging manhid na ako. I smiled at him.

"I know Adam, I know. But you are not the one in control of my life, no more. This is your house? Then I can leave if you want. Just let me and my son leave together. I stayed not because of you. Dahil iyon sa anak ko. Because I am telling you now? You are no longer the reason why I am doing this. I am doing this for my son. My son alone. So let go of me so I can get a rest. And oh. One thing more, you have no say kung kukuha ako ng nanny ng anak ko. Tandaan mo, ako ang nagluwa at naghirap na ilabas ang anak ko. Hindi ikaw. Kaya kung mas may karapatan man sa ating dalawa sa anak natin? Ako iyon. Ako." Kusa niya akong binitawan na para bang bigla siyang napaso sa akin. Mapait akong ngumiti bago nagtuloy sa paglalakad pero agad din akong natigilan noong bigla siyang nagsalita.

"You've changed." Mahinang usal niya. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko noong marinig ang sinabi niya. Ngumiti ako bago siya hinarap.

"Yes. I did change because you turned me into this Adam. I know I'd cause you so much pain. But you forgot you gave me so much pain too." I said before turning my back.

"Ikaw pa talaga ang may ganang magsalita ng ganyang klaseng bagay huh." Napahinto ako sa paglalakad noong muli siyang magsalita. "Fuck. Ikaw ang nang iwan! Kaya wala kang karapatang masaktan.! Tang ina." Mura niya sa akin. Pinili kong huwag na siyang harapin dahil baka mapaiyak nanaman ako.

"Alam ko. At pinagsisihan ko iyon Adam. I left not because I didn't love you back then. I left because I was afraid to commit into a relationship with a perfect man. You are perfect Adam. So much that it made me question everything. Everyday I asked myself if I am good enough for you or not. I thought leaving you was the worst choice. And yeah. It was, back then. At kahit na sa tingin ko ay hindi maganda ang kalalabasan ng desisyon ko ay ginawa ko pa din. There were times na gusto ko na lamang umuwi pabalik sa'yo. There were times na iuuntog ko na lang ang sarili ko sa pader at umiyak mag isa. Pero siguro nga, tama na din na iniwan kita. Dahil doon ko napatunayan na hindi nga naman tayo ang para sa isa't isa. Yung takot ko na baka mawala ka sa akin at magsawa ka kapag kasal na tayo? Naipakita mo ngayon. Dahil ngayon nga hindi tayo kasal nagawa mong ipagpalit ako, paano na lang kung ikinasal tayo. So yeah. Maybe leaving you was the best choice I did in my life. At ngayon ko lang iyon narealize." Pagak akong tumawa pero sobrang sakit. Tang ina. Ang sakit. Bigla niyang hinablot ang braso ko at inihaharap sa kanya. Umiwas ako dahil ayaw ko na siyang titigan.

"Fuck! Look at me Eunice." Utos niya. Umiling iling ako pero hinawakan niya ang baba ko para magtama ang tingin namin. "Tell me, how can I not find someone else if you didn't give me the right choice to wait? Eunice. Iniwan mo ako. You didn't even left a sign if you will come back or not. I hate you so damn much for leaving me. Baby, I hated you so damn much. Iniwan mo ako na durog na durog." His eyes were bloodshot. Naiiyak siya?

"Kahit na! Dapat naghintay ka pa din! Kung mahal mo ako dapat hinintay mo pa rin ako. Kung mahal mo ako dapat hindi ka ngayon nagmamahal ng iba Adam!" Nasasaktan kong sagot. Ang akala kong luhang ubos na ay sunod sunod na tumulo ulit sa aking pisngi.

He smiled bitterly before shaking his head and released me.

"I did wait kahit galit ako sa'yo. But you forgot I am a man too Eunice. I need an assurance too. How can I wait for someone who never intended to come back? I've love you long enough. But you chose to break me into pieces that it made me decide to love someone else now." I nodded despite of the pain I am feeling.

"If that's so. Then let me go. Set me free. Let's set each other's free. I promise I will let you and our son see each other. But let us move out. I can't take this anymore Adam. I can't take another pain again. Please I beg you." Pagmamakaawa ko na.

"No." Matigas niyang sagot. Napaawang ang bibig bibig ko sa sinabi niya. He shook his head before he hugged me into a tight embraced. "No, baby. I can't let you go just yet." Napahagulgol na ako pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon. Bakit? Adam? Bakit?

"Please. Let me go. Set me free. Ayoko na Adam. Ang sakit sakit na." Pagmamakaawa ko. Naramdaman ko ang pagkakasunod na pag iling niya.

"No. I won't let you go." Malambing niyang sagot.

"Why?" Nanghihina ko nang sagot.

"Because I need you." And that made my heart break. Again. He needs me. But he does not love me. Fuck! I felt him kissed my neck. I froze but not seconds later when I let myself gave in in complete surrender.