Before there was we (Completed)

1

Emotionless

I woke up still sore and tired because of the endless sex we did. Yes. Sex. Not making love. Not love. Because even if I do not admit it to myself, he is no longer the man who loved me before. He is not the same man who adored me for almost six years of being together after that runaway incident happened. And even if how much I wanted to bring back the past, it will no longer work out for the both of us. The only reason why he let me enter his life again is this, sex. Nothing more. I wanted to beg for his love so much that it killed my pride. But things are different now. Because my man turned into a beast. I cannot even see passion, love and care. Anger, lust and revenge, those are the emotions I see everytime he looked at me. He despised me so much. And I can't blame him. I left him at the altar because of my own fear for the future. I was not really ready yet that time. But If only I should've known earlier that i was carrying his child inside of me, then I should'nt have left him. God knows how much I cried and suffered because of my stupidity. I was torn and empty. And the only two reasons why I survived is my angel. My son. Greg. And my love. Adam. For the nth time, I look closer to his face while he's sleeping beside me. His forehead was crinkled.

"I know i am the reason for this." Hinawakan ko ang noo niya at pilit na tinatanggal ang pagkakakunot noo nito. Baby. I'm sorry for letting you go." Piyok kong sagot at kusang bumagsak ang mga luha ko. I touched for his face and kissed him light not wanting him to wake up. "Your son knows you. And he wants to meet you but I can't do it, especially now that you're no longer the man I once knew. He loves you more than you have ever loved me. And seeing him hoping to finally see you in person, not just on tv is slowly killing me." Naluluha ako dahil hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin matanggap na isa na lamang ako sa mga babaeng ikinakama niya. I owned him once. But now, i am only a stranger to him. How will i be able to talk to my son about his father being emotionless? I don't want Greg to be involved kung ano mang gulong ako din ang nagsimula. I don't want him to be unwanted by his own father. So I guess, this is the endgame for Adam and I. I need to let him go and be happy to whoever he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I don't want to be the antagonist or the threat. Because afterall, i still want to see him happy and smile again even if I am not the reason. Mabilis akong tumayo at pinulot ang mga damit kong nagkalat sa sahig. Natigil lamang ako ng tumunog ang phone kong nasa loob ng bag kong nakapatong sa may side table. Halos di magkaundagaga akong lumapit doon para lamang hindi magising si Adam. Nang tignan ko ang screen ay napangiti ako dahil nakita ko ang pangalan ni mommy sa screen ng phone ko. Alam ko kasing si Greg ang nagpatawag sa kanya. "Hello?" Mahina kong sagot bago tumingin ulit kay Adam na mahimbing parin ang tulog magpa hanggang ngayon.

"Mommmmmmmmyyyyyyy! Asan ka na po? Sabi mo pupunta tayo kay daddy! Sabi mo ipapakilala mo na ako sa kanya! Iniwan mo ako kay grandma! Uwi ka na po. Namimiss na din po kasi kita!" Agad na bungad niyang sagot mula sa kabilang linya. Napangiti naman ako lalo ng marinig ko ang pagpadyak padyak pa niya sa sahig. I can see from here, nakabusangot na iyon. Napagpasyahan kong lumayo ng kaunti at tumalikod sa kama ng kwarto pero hindi ako lumabas.

"I missed you too baby. And yes. I'm coming home. But I have to say something to you later okay?" Malungkot  ako dahil sa sasabihin ko sa kanya pero kinakailangan ko siyang ilayo mula sa ama niya bago pa siya tuluyang umasa lalo na magkikita at makikilala pa niya sa personal si Adam. No. I am not being selfish. I just needed to protect my son for the possibility that he might get hurt. And I don't want that to happen. I might die.

"Okay po. Pero mommy. Bilhan mo po ako ng maraming toys po ha?" Sagot niya dahilan para mabalik ako sa usapan namin.

"Of course baby. Oh. I need to hang this up okay? Be a good boy while I'm not around. I love you." Pagpapaalam ko na sa kanya. Masaya naman siyang nagpaalam sa akin at mukhang tumalon talon pa sa tuwa dahil bibilhan ko siya ng maraming toys. Nakangiting pinatay ko ang phone at humarap na muli para sana huling sulyapan si Adam bago ko suutin ang mga damit ko at tuluyan ng magpaalam sa kanya pero ganoon na lamang ang gulat ko ng sa pagharap ko ay nabunggo ko ang matigas niyang katawan. Napasinghap ako sa gulat at tigagal na tumingala sa kanya. And as expected I saw his eyes burning in anger. "I. I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?" Natatakot kong tanong sa kanya ng makarecover ako sa gulat. Kumunot naman lalo ang noo niya at mariin na hinawakan ako sa pulso. Tiningnan niya ang hawak kong phone bago kinuha iyon at itinapon. Napanganga akong napatingin sa itinapon niyang phone ko na ngayon ay wasak na sa sobrang lakas ng impact ng pagkakatapon.

"You just don't come over here to toy me and flirt with other guy on the phone. You fucking whore." Sampal niyang salita sa akin. Akala ko yung mga salitang sinabi niya noong unang nagpakita ako sa kanya ang pinakamasakit ko ng maririnig, hindi pa pala. Ito pa pala. At hindi na ako magdadalawang isip na may mga susunod pang mas sasakit. Pilit kong tinatanggal at kumakawala sa mahigpit niyang paghawak sa pulso ko pero mas diniinan lamang niya iyon kaya napaaray na ako sa sakit.

"Adam. Masakit. Ano ba. Bitawan mo ako please." Halos pagmamakaawa ko ng sabi sa kanya pero parang wala siyang narinig.

"Kulang na kulang pa iyan sa sakit na iniwan mo sa akin Eunice. You left me hanging, waiting for you at the altar. You did not even bother to tell me why? Fuck you. Eunice. Sa lahat ng pwede mong iwan na sakit, ang pag iwan sa akin sa altar ang pinakamasakit. We've been together for almost six years before I proposed to you. Pero noong ikakasal na tayo, bigla ka na lang nawala. Sana sinabi mo ng mas maaga na hindi ka pa pala handa!" Sa wakas ay pinakawalan na niya ako pero tinalikuran niya ako. Mabibigat ang paghinga niya habang kusang kumawala naman ang mga luha ko. Niyakap ko siya mula sa likuran pero hinawi niya lamang iyon at nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita. "I loved you Eunice. And you know that. But you chose to break me. You chose to kill that love I once gave to you. So please don't ask me why I can't bring it back, because kahit balik baliktarin mo man ang lahat ng pwedeng maging dahilan, iisa lang ang magiging sagot. Ikaw iyon. Ikaw. And so I tell you this only once so listen, I am better without you Eunice. And thank you for doing that. Thank you for doing me a favor. Thank you for leaving me. Because of your stupidity, I became who I am today. Successful. Rich. Powerful and a damn chick magnet. And I don't need you in my life. But you can stay or go and leave again. Which is which, I really don't care at all." Wala ng emosyong sagot niya sa akin at sinuot ang roba niya bago umalis sa harap ko. Naiwan ako sa kwarto niya na nakatunganga lamang sa kawalan at ibinuhos lahat ng luha kong natira. How i wished it was only just a dream. But it's not.