Of Fallacies And Fate

twenty three : Indigo

"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in" -Leonard Cohen

T w e n t y t h r e e

Indigo was the colour of midnight sky.

It reflected upon the waters of the beach as the waves crashed on and on upon Samairah's feet as she stood there, grounded on the shores, with a gaze intense enough to shatter glass. The sand soft and wet, covered her feet, as they immersed themselves in it. Each time the waves washed the sand away, her feet would again sink deeper into the sand. But no sooner they did, the waters would come along and wash it away again.

No matter how much she tried, at some point or another it always came back to her.

The memories.

His name ran over and over inside her head.

Rayhaan.

No matter how far she ran away, they always caught up with her.

His essence.

And in the end, the sadness devoured her. The anguish became unbearable. And despair filled her veins.

Emptiness.

It was as if she pretended all along to live a life, but in the end, it was his soul and only his soul that she longed for. That only his company would make her feel complete.

But then she wondered, how she had survived all these years.

The point was that she hadn't seen him. But now, seeing him and not being close with him suffocated her. She pretended that she didn't care about him, that she didn't need him. But it was all pretence and play. No matter how much she kept herself in denial, deep down, deep in the dusty corners of her heart, she knew that it was him all along.

As the cold water crashed against her feet, she pondered about soul mates. As the breeze played with the strands of her hair, she wondered if he had been the one.

Tucking the strands behind her ears, she decided that she would let it go. Stop thinking about it. Stop wondering.

Was it all she was now reduced to?

Wondering. Wishing. Wallowing.

It would've been easy to forget Rayhaan had he not come back in her life. Even if he did come back, it would've been easier if he stayed arrogant and haughty, like he was in the beginning. But he didn't. He slowly warmed up to her.

And his smile. His enchanting smile. His heart-stopping enchanting smile.

Even now, five days later, she couldn't get that image of him outside her head.

Monday after being done with Soheb at lunch, she sat with her friends, a bit relieved and all the more determined to do something about Rayhaan too. But despite that, she managed to sneak a glance at him at he sat a few tables away in canteen.

It would've been okay. Her heart would've been okay if the circumstances that connected him and her were limited to that.

But once she was done with her classes, bade goodbye to her two friends and was about to sit in her car she heard someone call him. She had been shocked to see what appeared.

It was the canteen attender with a box in his hand. She never quite catched his name and she felt bad that she never bothered to. Because now, he seemed to advance towards her with something. He was giving something to her. How sweet was it!

Someone she never knew personally. She felt good. Felt happy that humanity still existed in this wretched world.

But her thoughts had been absolutely wrong. Wrong. But not in the way that made her sad. Rather in a way that made her extremely happy.