Perfect Storms

chapter twenty-four

"She is searching for a hero to ride in
and save the day"
Does Anybody Hear Her? ~Casting Crowns

Tom and I had only been in Australia for a total of three days however we already fell into a perfectly wonderful routine. He would wake up at 5am for his daily run, I would sleep in. He would come home and shower, and I would slowly wake to the sound of the water. He would come curl in bed with me before he had to leave for the set. I would spend my day relaxing and reading books or writing. And when he finally came home we would order room service and watch movies or talk outside on the private balcony. I loved his company so much I was beginning to prefer it over anyone else's. He was an easy person to live with. At first I thought maybe this situation would be a stretch for our still new relationship but after we had so easily got along when he stayed in Nashville or Rhode Island I figured this would not be much different. Plus there was the added bonus of sleeping in the same bed as him now. It was kind of an unspoken agreement upon seeing the place. I knew better than to so quickly get use to fall asleep in his arms so quickly but I was already addicted. I guess you could say I fell in love with the way he touched me without using his hands.
   He went about his daily routine all while making sure I was still included and appreciated when he could. I tried my best to fit myself into the supportive girlfriend role, something, I must admit, I was never that good at. I had grown up always being the center of attention, the loudest voice in the room, but I was determined to be all for him. I would laugh at his stories and listen to him rehearse his lines for the next day late at night. I had not been on set yet. I don't know maybe it had something to do with the fact I really did not want to been in public right now. Or maybe it was because all Tom's friends were already married and I was much younger than all of them. Maybe I did not want to see his ex. I don't know. Nonetheless he never argued with me. He was good about understanding my impossibly complicated public life.
Today however I decided to change up my schedule. I had asked Tree about visiting one of the local children's hospitals which she gladly agreed to.
"But please," I reminded her, "No press."
I tried my hardest to make the visit as intimate as possible. I requested my presence not be reported and that families and friends wait until I had left the building before posting photos of our visits. I wanted to bring a smile to the children's faces not prove to the world I was "miss wonderful" or something.
It made me feel so good inside knowing I could be the reason that little girl smiled today. These kids had it hard enough. I made sure to spend as much time with each individual as possible. I took multiple photos and even brought along my guitar for some casual jam sessions.
In all honesty it felt refreshing to be appreciated by people other than my friends and family. It would seem lately I only got negative hate, but to see all these little children beaming with happiness made my day.
Furthermore it was nice just to focus on someone else's story other than mine. That's why I always loved visiting children. They did not ask me about my boyfriend or which song was suppose to be about who. Instead we just laughed and enjoyed the music.
  Of course this kind of thing I did not take lightly either. It was difficult hearing these kids stories without wanting to break down crying thinking how awfully unfair it was. These children of all people did not deserve the cruel fate they received.
                                   *****
I came home feeling a sense of defeat. It always made my day getting to hang with my fans but I always left feeling a new pain in my heart. My heart was heavy. It always took a toll on me when visiting hospitals and sick children. As happy as I felt being able to make their day I always left feeling sad inside. Feeling helpless.
I called Karlie. I had not heard her voice in awhile. Dramatic time zones were no excuse not to check up on your friends.
"Hey what's up?" She chimed her happiness purely refreshing.
We talked about my visit to the hospital and all the adorable children I had met. She then told me about her "Kode with Klossy" class. It was nice having another superstar to talk to that shared my interest in investing in younger people.
"I'm so glad to see you're doing okay." She said after a break in our conversation.
"What do you mean?"
If only she knew how far I was from fine.
"Well there's been a lot of drama lately. Your ex boyfriend's been a jerk."
"Oh. I haven't really checked social media..."
"Oh please don't! Taylor I wasn't inferring you should! Please don't all of it is a bunch of useless shit." She panicked. But it only made me more curious.
"What's going on?"
"You don't really want to know..."
"Karlie you tell me right now don't make me go looking for myself."
"Okay okay, I saw him posting some suggestive things on snapchat and he was replying to fan hate on Instagram... That's all I know!"
I wanted to be angry or something. I hated this numb feeling I felt whenever Adam was mentioned. I just wanted to forget.
I gave a heavy sigh which Karlie heard from the other end of the phone.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah just a rough day."

//
Awe I saw all those photos of Tay with those children and they melted my heart! She's such an angel.