Perfect Storms

chapter six

"Babe, there's something tragic about you. Something so magic about you. Don't you agree?"
From Eden ~Hozier

Tom-
I had to finally admit to myself, I was falling hard for her fast. I never intended on doing so. All I wanted was to be there for her to be a friend. But there was something so wonderfully intriguing about her. There was something tragic about her, about us. She had a magic, a pull, an allure so compelling. I have always been fascinated by her. Who she was and who she said she was. She was an unsolved mystery. The world portrayed her as one thing, she portrayed herself as another, but her true colors were none of the previous. She was a riveting masterpiece. One with many parts.

Babe, there's something lonesome about you
Something so wholesome about you
Get closer to me

I spent many of the days away from her thinking of when I would see her next. I was taken aback when she confided in me over her break up. She seemed to trust me and I valued that. I wanted badly to make a move. But I held myself backing knowing it was probably too soon. The only possible explanation of my desires was that of love at first sight. I never thought myself to be the type of man to get hung up on a girl after only meeting once. I was afraid that if I tried making a move she would think I was taking advantage of her broken heart, her post break up self.
But I was tired of waiting when I knew I wanted her desperately. I knew what I wanted, I hated having to wait.

Babe, there's something wretched about this
Something so precious about this.
Babe, there's something broken about this
But I might be hoping about this.
Oh, what a sin.

And a sin it was, to want a girl who was still trying to fight off a poorly ended relationship. And I could not help but feel it was partly my fault.
                                     *****
  I arrived to her Rhode Island home for the first time since she confided in me. It was not dark this time, the evening had just begun. It had only been recently had my career led me to the states. I never spent much time here and in all honesty I had no idea a state called Rhode Island even existed until she invited me here. It was a wonderful experience, traveling all these places. I boarded off the plane and the ocean breeze hit me immediately. I inhaled it's fresh scent. The place greatly reminded me of home. Next to the water. I thought of taking her there. I wondered if she ever took vacations in London.
In little time I arrived on her doorstep. I had not packed much, I had no idea how long I would stay. Sometimes it was a few hours, maybe tonight it would be 24, I was never quite sure.
She greeted me with a zealous smile. I had not seen her smile quite so bright since the first night we met. I was very happy to see it once more, if only for a while.
From the moment I walked in the door I noticed she was much lighter on her feet. No longer the sad girl weighed down by the world. I wondered what had changed.
"You seem unusually happy tonight love," I started carefully, as we sat down on her couch to a meal of homemade chicken and rice.
"I am. I'm happy you're here."
"Is that all?" I tried to pull information from her. Oh how badly I wish I could read her mind.
"Well... Yeah." She said matter-of-factly.
We ate the rest of our meal. Our usual silence was non existent tonight. She talked more. About silly things like her cats or other fantastic things she was planning. I listened as I always did.
I decided her smile was my favorite part about her. Sometimes I would say stupid things just to see it. I swear the entire room lit up. I know that sounds like cheesy romance stuff but you realize cheesy romance stuff is true when you actually fall hard for someone. She was finally smiling and laughing again. And I never wanted her to stop ever again. From this moment on I would always want to make her smile.
Afterwards we settled for a movie and some wine on her couch. The room was cozy, she sat next to me on the couch. I wanted to put my arm around her and pull her in but I knew better than to do so. She needed her space. I would have to make do with space.
"I would like to watch some of your films sometime." She said casually.
"Have you not seen any of them?" I was more than happy to start another conversation with her.
"I may have seen that superhero one once but I don't really remember."
I guess I should have been offended but it did not matter to me. I knew a lot of her songs and had seen countless music videos of hers. But I did not want to compare.
"I'm sorry that was mean." She said randomly after a pause of silence.
"What do you mean darling?"
"I just dismissed all your movies as if I did not care. That came out wrong. I just don't see a lot of movies. I really want to see your Thor movies."
I smiled. She was so perfectly chaotic. I had no idea how much I needed her until I did. To the point where it pained me to think she did not feel the same.
I found myself absentmindedly moving closer to her. We were watching some type of romantic film. In all honesty I was not watching. I was watching her. She did not take notice however. A few minutes passed before she finally noticed my gaze on her. She looked over to me, I could swear her cheeks turned a slight shade of pink, it was hard to make out now that the sun had set behind us outdoors.
"What?" She asked innocently.
"I'm just happy to see you're more yourself again." I said plainly. There was much more I wanted to say. I fought to maintain my composure.  She moved herself over to me, I felt my heart skip a beat. It was quite pathetic of me to react in such a way, I felt young again. She gave me a feeling I had not felt for a long time. The type of feeling that wanted to make you you're best self just for her.
She rested her head on my shoulder and gave a sigh.
"What is it love?" I asked, more than happy to have her finally besides me.
"I am tired of the way I feel" she says, "and it is so awfully difficult to feel sad and tired when all you want is to feel alive."
"And what's stopping you?" I say as I brush a strand of hair from her cheek. It was a small gesture but an intimate one. She recognized it.
"I haven't got a clue."

//
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