Perfect Storms

chapter fifteen

"Strangers in this town, they raise you
up just to cut you down"
Angela ~The Lumineers

I was so in awe of him. I don't remember falling so hard for someone so fast in my entire life. I knew better than to compare. To compare how felt when I first met Adam to now. If I've learned anything about my excessive dating life it was that you never had the same love twice. Sometimes you meet Mr. Right and he is attractive and love comes slowly, steadily. And then other times love hits you like a truck and he somehow was everything you never knew you needed. This was one of those times.
The love came so quickly so recklessly. I never in a million years would image this is how it would be. Only three months ago if you asked me how my life was going I would probably tell you I saw myself settling down with Adam sooner or later. Never in my wildest dreams could I predict such a storm of emotions to erupt. But I was no longer sad, the guilt and the longing for him was no longer there. In fact I was happy now with the way things turned out. After all had they not, I would have never met Tom. The two of us had become easy friends after my split. But then I started to think of him the way I thought of Adam and that's when I knew things could be different. It's a recklessly terrifying thought. That only in a moment you can fall into the type of love that changes your whole world. Tom did that for me. And now I know I would not have wanted it any other way.
I no longer felt remorse or guilt. Everything had changed. I was taken by surprise at first but I could not really explain how I felt. It was the type of change that you felt deep in your soul. I woke this morning and felt like a different person, no longer a ghost of myself. I could not explain it, but I knew it was there.
I realize in my guilt and confusion of the past few months I had kind of been taking advantage of his kindness. He constantly poured love and comfort into me and I was a blank wall back to him. Sure I had took him on dates and offered my hospitality when he stayed with me but the mental aspect of the relationship was horribly screwed. He showered me in compliments and kisses and kindness and I took and took and never once gave one of those elements back. I realized how selfish I had been. It needed to change.

"You held your course to some distant war in the corners of your mind"

Today we went down to the beach with more of Tom's family. They had driven down for the day. I was excited. It felt so nice to be fully embraced by his family. I felt nice to be so welcomed so admired. Today I purposed to show him the same love he had been showing me.
As we walked along the shoreline we slowed our pace to fall behind the mini crowd. He looked over at me with a smile as bright as the sun on his face. Instead of just smiling back this time I stopped to kiss him. I allowed myself to fall into him as I laced my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. I wanted him to know I cared as deeply as he did.
"Have I ever told you how much I love your smile?"
I spoke softly. His eyebrows moved up quizzically.
"Possibly."
"Well it's probably the most beautiful thing in the world."
I kissed him again this time a little longer with a little more passion.
"What did I ever do to deserve such kind treatment Miss Swift?" He spoke playfully.
"Nothing, you're just you." I smiled happily.

"Oh Angela it's a long time coming
Oh Angela spent your whole life running away"

After our beach day, we walked back to his mothers home where we said goodbye to the rest of his family. The days here felt short but long all at the same time. They went by quickly with fun and excitement but also slowly in the sense it was relaxing and filled with love. It was the middle of June now. Time had flew in a way. It was hard to believe all of this had only begun a few weeks ago. No summer ever came back, and no two summers were ever alike. Times change and people change and some people leave and new people come into your life. He was the light of my life. The reason for the smile on my face every day the reason for the crazy amount of butterflies in my stomach.
I spent the rest of the night with him in his bedroom just sitting on the bed like teenagers discussing anything and everything. We talked for hours. He was so wonderful at keeping a conversation going.
"Come here darling." He finally said after a break in the conversation. I happily crawled into his arms and tangled myself into his embrace. I knew what we had was love it was obvious there was no feeling parallel to what I felt for him. But I would never dare speak it. For now I was happy leaving it as nothing more than the elephant in the room.
Security. Assurance. Stability. A future. A family. The girl who wanted all that died with her last lover. I realized I was no longer so keen on settling down -not yet. I thought for sure that's what I would have done in the next few years as my break proceeded. But now I knew I couldn't. I was not ready. I was too reckless, uncontainable. I loved fearlessly and with that came reckless abandon. And maybe this feeling I had now for him would only last a few months or maybe forever there was no telling. But I would not make any more promises. How could I? Why would I make such fragile promises when I knew they had high potential for being broken? No instead I just wanted to love him and not think about the later. About what this would mean for our careers about how he was older than me, about what the media would say or how I would probably have to take a longer break. No I was living in the moment and I have never felt more free.
I leaned over to kiss him. I had grown fond of the taste of his lips. Every time he kissed me felt as exhilarating and breathtaking as the first. It was if I could never get use to it.

"Vacancy, hotel room, lost in me, lost in you. Angela, on my knees, I belong, I believe. Home at last"

I pulled away from our sudden make out and looked into his blue eyes. It's amazing the many ways the human body can communicate the phrase "I love you" without ever physically saying the word. I could see it in his eyes, I could feel it in his kiss in his gentle touches. In that moment I was reminded of a quote I loved.
"I love her, and that's the beginning and end of everything." -F Scott Fitzgerald. I found it always so relatable when it came to love. It was the beginning of a whole new perspective on life yet it was the end of a completely other one all in the same. I knew I was falling for him, and dangerously fast. But I did not want to let go. I wanted to savor every one of these moments even if one day they became bitter memories. For now there was no place I would rather be.

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Okay so I'm obsessed with this song right now by The Lumineers you should all go listen it lol it would make this chapter flow a bit better for you. Also do you enjoy the lyric input? And the shifting of perspectives? PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS TELLING ME WHAT I COULD DO TO IMPROVE OKAY THANK YOU!