rain [taekook] DISCONTINUED

leaving note

CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN // LEAVING NOTE
Seokjin POV

I asked him out to make Jungkook jealous.

It didn't work.

Jungkook incouraged the relationship instead of hating it.

He wasn't affected.

I tried to continue with the relationship to see if it'd make him jealous, it didn't even phase him.

Now I'm with Namjoon.

I thought that I wouldn't have feelings for him, that he was just going to leave me for someone better and I was going to leave him to follow my heart, so why even try? But then I actually got to know him.

On the first date I was expecting something awkward, a lot of clammy hand holding, a lot of meaningless pecks on the cheek, a lot of pet names. I was wrong. I thought since Namjoon was attractive and could practically get anyone he wanted he was just going to use me, abuse my fragile heart then leave me. I was surprised when he made me laugh, surprised when he called me handsome and really meant it, surprised when he starred into my eyes--not with disgust--but with adoration, I was surprised that he was not the type of guy I suspected. No one had ever treated me so sweetly, so kindly on a first date. It was a night to remember, Namjoon is something special.

I fell in love with his smile.

I fell in love with his charms.

I fell in love with his dimples.

I fell in love with his kindness.

I fell in love with his nice personality.

I fell in love with his respectful aura.

I fell in love with his dazzling eyes.

I fell in love with him.

At first he was just a tool to make the guy I was silently gushing over jealous, then he was just a distraction to take my mind off said guy. Next thing I knew he was the love of my life. I don't know how to explain it, he just gives me a bubbly feeling inside that no one else does. But I don't only have eyes for him... and that's why I have to leave him.

I love Kim Namjoon more than anything but I can't stay with him knowing that I'm only going to hurt him in the end once the truth comes out. How the old saying goes: if you love something, set it free. I'm sorry Namjoon.

I get up from his bed that he's currently sleeping in as well, trying to stay completely silent but failing quite a bit. We've only recently moved in together making this all the more harder. I didn't want to do this face to face but I also didn't want to do it over text message, all too cruel. I sneak into his living room and grab a piece of paper and a pen as I begin writing, tears stinging my eyes, some trickling onto the paper.

Dear, my god of destruction,
I love you, just please remember this. I don't deserve a person as great as you. I'm a liar. I'm a loser. I just don't deserve you. So I'm leaving. I don't want to hurt so please don't try to look for me. I love you, I really love you but a person like me is too bad and repulsive to be with a person like you, someone so perfect in their own imperfect way.
-Jin

I'm practically sobbing by the time I'm finished writing, I lay down my pen and observe my messy writing. Suddenly my heart skips a thousand beats when a firm hand lands on my shoulder. "Jin? What are doing up?" I bow my head so he doesn't see my tears. I say nothing as he steps before me and picks up the note.

He scans over it and his lips part in shock. He stares up at me with glassy eyes. It's silent for way longer than I'm comfortable with. He clears his throat. "If that's what you wish," he wheezes out, his voice crackly and broken. How can he take the high road when he's obviously hurt? I nod slightly, tears still spilling out of my eyes. Before I walk away he grabs my hand and spins me around. "Wait," he whispers.

"I know you like Jungkook."

My eyes widen as a blink away my tears. "Wh... what?" I say and he nods and chuckles sadly. "I'm not stupid, Jin," he says and then a frown returns. "In the beginning I thought he was just like a little brother to you, someone you had to protect. But then I could see the jealousy in your eyes when he was with Taehyung. I could also see how hurt you were when they announced their relationship... with a kiss." I'm still shocked, soaking in all of his sadly true words. "Namjoo-"

"I'm not mad, if that's what you're worried about," he says and cuts me off. "Wait, what?" I exclaim and he nods and grabs my hand. "I'm a forgiving person. It's easier to forgive and look past all the mistakes than to hold a grudge and remember each mistake clearly. I have to admit, I was mad in the beginning but now I don't see the point of staying angry at the person I love."

My eyes fill up with tears again, this time happy tears. I pull him into a tight hug. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you, I really don't." He chuckles, vibrating my shoulder. "Don't ever say that, okay? I don't deserve you, you're handsome and sweet. The only good thing I have going for me is my eidetic memory, I have nothing to offer but a big brain," he says and I shake my head.

"Let's just say we don't deserve each other and move on?" I joke and he chuckles and nods, grabbing one of my hands. "Agreed, now let's go back to bed," he says and then crumbles the note up with his other hand and tosses it to the side, in the process, knocking over a picture frame on the coffee table, breaking it. "Oops?" He says and shrugs and I just laugh.

"I wouldn't trade you for anyone else in the world."

-

Wittle bit of Namjin. I suck at writing Namjin *shrugs*