Never Look Up (Frerard Dld sequel)

Chapter 23

Frank pov

I think I've found a loop hole; a cheat in the dysfunctional system that is my brain. I may not have the vivid nightmares anymore, but my emotions are still spiraling out of my control and I've found that happiness is hard to come by as of late. Unless experienced in brief highs that crash into a prolonged low.
Yet, the changes within myself these past couple of days have been... confusing. What I have definitely discovered is that change is a good distraction, for lack of a better word. It's hard to explain, but it's like the rush of making a decision and the possibility that it can completely change my life is therapeutic.
I feel in control, and lately that has been important to me. For the first time in months, I could live the outcome of something I decided.

No, I'm not some change addicted adrenaline junky, despite how I may sound. Its just, the consistent flux in my life that has been out of my control has really tossed me back and fourth. There are the positives, Gerard, Mikey, Mrs. Way, Ray.... and disregarding the loss of that friend and the events that followed, i met people I love. If I can get more change like that.... then maybe the four of us will finally find our peace together.
So today marks the beginning of the future. Today, I make my own decisions, starting with something I've kinda wanted to do for awhile.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and tucked some of my hair behind my ear to see a hickey left by Gerard from last night. I ran my fingers over the colored skin in thought, pushing the anxieties down. Gerard and I haven't brought last night not once, and I don't know if I'm just too scared or...embarrassed. I showed a very vulnerable part of me that no one has ever seen and it's left me lost, I suppose. I guess you could say Gerard has seen me in a much more vulnerable state in a completely different situation so I suppose I'm stressing over nothing.

Or maybe I'm not... I fear that my feelings for him that have increased, I can't help but think this growth is one sided. All the sudden all these questions start swarming-Was it too soon? No. We had sat on the subject for a long time and I am pretty certain of my feelings and that he feels the same.
Then why has hd treated today like any other day? We haven't spoken a word about the matter.... Maybe we're not supposed to?
I mean, we had sex...
That's a drastic step in a relationship... or so I thought-
"Are you sure you wanna do this? I mean I know we've kinda talked about it, but like, this is gonna be a lot." Gerard pulled me from my thoughts, running his fingers through my hair, frowning as he went.

"Yeah... yeah, I'm sure. It's overgrown and I'm over it." I adjusted myself in my seat then glanced at my reflection one last time.

"I'm not." I heard Gerard grumble as he picked up the electrical clipper and flipped the switch with his thumb, letting it buzz intimidatingly in his hand.

"I still don't understand why you won't go to a barber, or why you insisted on me buzz cutting it. " He continued to argue, obviously procrastinating because he's both nervous and upset about the cut. Gerard has a thing for long hair and honestly so do I, just not on myself right now. Besides, mine doesn't even look good.

"Waste of money." I smirked. Honestly his lack of experience makes this all the more thrilling. His adorably focused expression is incredible. He swiftly tucked some of his own pretty hair behind his ear and thoughtfully took his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Don't look so stressed." I teased, needing to keep my eyes on his and not my appearance.

"I really don't wanna fuck up." He pouted, giving me a look.

Gerard moved and touched the blade to my head, cutting a section so that my hair was no longer at a length that could touch my shoulders. From then on he evened it out then shaved one continuous strand all the way down my head to my neck. The layer of hair was thin and it was definitely an extreme compared to what I had before. Up until now, I didn't feel like I was getting my hair cut but now there was definitely no changing my mind.