Never Look Up (Frerard Dld sequel)

Chapter 9

Gerard pov:

Four days since that awful day. Never in my life has time passed so slowly. Minutes feel like hours; hours feel like days.

Multiple days of crying have left me tired and dehydrated; physically unable to shed anymore tears.
Sleep hasn't come easily to me these past few nights. Questions stimulate my mind like caffeine.

Doctors say he passed away peacefully in his unconscious state. Well, after the seizures. I don't understand it; he was supposed to wake up-he was going to wake up. It just doesn't feel right. Really, none of it's meant to.
After all, death isn't a normal thing for most.

The death of a loved one isn't something your mind particularly wants to think about, and when it does travel down that mindset you have enough sense to stop; normal people do anyway. Then again, I'm not normal.
You wonder how they'll die, when they'll die, if they'll suffer before death, did they fear death, or did they want it, and so on. At least, I wonder this.
I don't exactly fear dying, but I definitely do not like the idea of it, and I don't necessarily believe in heaven, or hell either. I'd like to think I'll go somewhere after I die, and not just fade out of a petty existence. Where's the adventure in that?
Ray believed in God. I remember never missing a single day of Sunday church when we were younger. As I got older I began to question Christianity; my unanswered questions led me away from my already unsound faith.

In my early teen years, I was always temperamental on the subject; probably because of what was happening at the time...
In the end, I just hope Ray's devotion to his religion paid off.
"Gerard?" Frank's voice captured my attention. "Are you okay?" He asked in a quiet manner.
"Yeah," I grunted as I sat up in my bed. "Just thinking."

"Wanna talk about it?" Frank offered and snuggled up against my chest.

"It's just weird. I-I miss him. I have this feeling... a longing. It hurts me to think that I can never speak to him or hear his voice ever again. R-Ray has always been such an important part of my life, and now that he's gone it's like a half of me was torn away, and fuck, I spent the little time I had left with him being angry at him. I fucked up." I croaked as I felt myself begin to cry. The salty tears stung my sore cheeks and I wiped them away.
Saying his name was difficult. It always burns my tongue and makes me yearn for Ray's presence, though the want can never be fulfilled.

His funeral is tomorrow. I plan to be there. Mikey isn't going. He's not allowed. He's been fucked up these last few days, and Dr. Williams was against him going to either event. She said it'd be too much for him. For once, I agree with her.

I'm not going to lie, Mikey's behavior has frightened the shit out of me. Violent screaming, tantrums, and episodes during the night. It makes me upset to see him suffer...

"I'm sorry, Gerard. I wish I could change this." Frank quavered. I leaned down and pressed a kiss against the side of Frank's head, resting my lips there inhaling deeply.

"I love you." I breathed.

"I love you too, Gerard. Are you sure you are okay. I'm not trying to pry I'm just...worried." Frank stopped to sigh. I could tell he felt like he had not place in saying all this and doesn't want to push me, but it's helping.

"It's all just unfair. Doctors said he'd make it, but then Ray died. Were they lying? It's cruel to get my hopes up, his families hopes up." Frank pursed his lips in thought, so I continued. "I awoke everyday thinking, I'll get to see my best friend soon. I looked up at the world; excited and hopeful. I wanted to put this all behind us."

"I don't think they lied." He bang slowly. "I believe they genuinely thought Ray was going to recover. Something must have went wrong."

"What did exactly? No one seems to be able to answer that question."

"I don't know, Gerard. Will it give you peace of mind if you knew?"

"Yes." I replied honestly. I wanted to ask Frank something. I debated wither to ask it or not. "Do you ever think about your mom?" Frank is probably still sensitive when it came to her, so I'm very hesitant. The last thing I want is to upset him.

"All the time," He admitted almost immediately. "It doesn't hurt as much as it used to." He added, as if reading my mind.

"Will thinking about Ray eventually not hurt as much?" I moved my head down to rest in the crook of his neck leaving soft kisses.

Frank slightly leaned back into my touch and tilted his head further to the side.

"Yes." He sighed out.

"Promise me." The words slipped out my lips before I could stop it.

"Promise."

"What about Mikey? Do you think he will be okay?" I pulled away and lifted my chin to rest on top of Frank's head.

"I don't know, Gerard," Frank murmured. "God, I wish I knew." He wrapped his arms around my waist and squeezed.

"Me too."

There was a knock on the door, and Donna entered. Frank moved away from our position and sat beside me on the bed.

She was dressed up professionally just like she always does for work. Her navy blue skirt was perfectly ironed out along with her suit jacket. Her hair was pulled up into a tight bun. The shiny brunette strands seemed grayer in more places than before.

"I made lunch. It's downstairs. I also just wanted to remind you that it's my first day back at the office. All that I ask of you is to clean up after lunch and give Mikey his sleep medication. It'll calm him down since he's not able to take his other prescriptions.

"Okay." I complied.

She smiled and I could see the way it hid some sadness to it. She approached me with distinct clicks of her high heeled shoes then rested her hands on each side of my face before leaning down and placing a kiss on my forehead. I smiled and basked in the motherly gesture.

She pulled away then reached over to Frank, ran a hand through his hair then pulled his head close to kiss forehead as well. I could tell Frank appreciated the caring act. He may not see Donna as a mom, but definitely as some kind of loved guardian. She has done so much for the three of us.

"Thank you, boys. Oh and don't forget, I signed you guys up for online classes that are going to start soon." She finished then left.

Please vote comment how it is so far. Boost my confidence and makes writing more fun.
~Kayla