~Loosing Myself.~

~Chapter 32~

I take her hand and squeeze it, looking at her then back onto the road.

'Eventually.'

It was my turn to nod then. 'All in time, princess'

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'Your not staying?' She asks, stepping out of the car and round to my window.

'I'll come back after school, babe'

She nods again, I hate lying to her.

'Okay bye' she coos, leaning in and pecking my lips sweetly which I return.

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I don't care about the rain when I reach her front door. I knock, turning away from the door and staring at the trees, feeling my eyes gaze over with tears.

'Justin?'

I turn in the direction of the voice, her eyebrows furrowed, unaware of why I'm here.

'Mom' I cry, stepping inside. 'Its got so hard'

She wraps an arm around me, watching me sit down on the couch.

'What's got hard?' She asks, studying my face intently.

I stare at the same space on the floor for what seems like aternity.

'Ashlee?'

I nod my head, giving her the answer.

'All relationships are bad Justin, they all have their own problems'

How could she possibly give me advice?

I stand up at that. Anger overtaking me.

'Yeah but you and dad!' I snap, stepping back slightly. 'You broke up when you had your 'rough patch'!'

'Your father and I were different Justin, you know that'

Her eyes were filled with hurt but I couldn't possibly stop there, not with the state I'm in.

'How were you different? You hardly say two words to eachother now! I don't want that! I want to be with Ashlee! I want to love her!'

She snaps her head in my direction, finally having enough.

'You don't think I love your father? Of course I do! He gave me you!' She takes a deep breath, her eyes shut as she concentrates on her breathing. 'I'll always love him, even if he has moved on.'

'Eirin means the world to him now! Jazzy and Jaxon they're his!'

'Your his too Justin! Don't you dare think he doesn't love you the same as them.'

I collapse then, sinking to the floor pulling at my hair whilst I cry.

'I don't know what to do anymore' I cry, quiet sniffles escaping me.

'Justin, your father will always have a spot for me. He hasn't gone completely out of love. He's just found a bigger love with someone else. Now, I don't know what's brought this on but do you want to talk about it?'

I don't even know what's brought this on myself. Maybe its because I'm in such a dysfunctional relationship, just like my parents were.

I just nod my head, standing up and wiping my teared eyes.

She'll understand, she always does.

I need a joint that's what I want.

~2 hours later~

I stumble at Ashlees door, opening it seeing her sitting on the couch, biting at her nail while she pays no attention to the tv.

'Oh.. Hi' she coos, sitting upright once she sees me.

Her eyebrows furrow as she walks closer to me. She studies my face and I look down. Feeling her hand raise my chin higher I watch her look in my eyes.

'Brilliant, our first probably when we're back together and your already stoned'

'N-not stoned' I slur, watching her roll her eyes. 'Don't fucking roll your eyes at me, you know I hate that' I growl, walking infront of her.

'Drunk too then?' She asks sarcastically.

I scoff at her, pulling out a packet of cigarettes from my pocket.

'And now we're smoking'

'Oh shut up' I hiss, pulling the lighter out as well and lighting it, taking a puff.

She walks closer to me, taking the packet from me before I could protest.

'What the hell are you doing?' I snap, watching her lift the cigarette to her soft plump lips.

'If your going to smoke I may as well right? I mean you must think its so good for you, so why shouldn't I?'

I stand up.

'Stop it Ashlee' I hiss, stepping closer while she runs to the stove. 'What the fuck do you think your doing?'

I watch her take the gas lighter, taking it up to the cigarette and lighting it.

I growl to myself, stepping closer to her and pushing her against the wall.

'Give that to me.' I demand forcefully. 'Give me that god damn cigarette right this minute Ashlee'

She raises an eyebrow, taking a drag from it.

I grab the lit smoke, taking it between my fingers and flicking it in the filled sink as it burns out.

'Don't you ever try something like that again do you hear me?'

I press her hands above her head.

'If you won't, I won't' she gasps, her breath smelling like the smoke.

'I won't' I promise, letting her hands free.

She nods, wrapping her hands around my room instantly, attaching her lips to mine, making them move in sync.

Will we always be like this? Always the messed up couple?

~Writers Note~

Oh god I hope this okay... I really do. I didn't get a lot of comments on the last chapter :( I was quite disappointed guys! So please comment and tell me what you think!