Gifts - Soul Mates from The Unbelievables

Gifts - Chp 27

Sometimes words can never explain feelings, especially the darkest of feelings. That is why this page will be blank, as blank and as dark as my life. My life without Lucille. – Jacob Iris

Since that one date last week things had its glorious moments and yet as always things can never be perfect so there was the negatives. The negatives at time were dismal details like curling up in bed alone, to school work load and school in general to rather the more negative aspects that toyed and ruled my minds at time when Luc wasn’t there to rid of those thoughts.

The biggest aspect to toy with me would be Stacey. She had stuck willingly and determinedly to her promise, and that was she had left me alone with Lucas and kept a great distance. She didn’t treat me like dirt under her foot, but rather kept such a distance that I wasn’t able to see how she’d treat me. She rather just treated me like any other student she knew but didn’t know. I didn’t know what I wanted more, I knew that I didn’t want us to be friends like we were leading up to the argument were we were tip toeing about and walking on egg shells, speaking cautiously all the time, I didn’t want that so the argument I didn’t regret. I just didn’t know if I’d prefer to experience her yelling and screaming at me rather than treating me as if I was invisible. I think her treating me as if I was invisible hurt me most, as if she could see right through me.

At the end of the day I knew she was just giving me my space for me to choose whether her friendship was more important than some guy that gave me the creeps? That left me with one question; did I want Stacey to be part of my life still? That one question seemed utterly ridiculous to me, because I obviously wanted Stacey to still my best friend. Stacey at the end of the day has been my rock since we met and learnt each other’s names; she’s been there for me when no one else was. She was there during my Pop’s death when my parents couldn’t be there, she was there when David went to university, and she was there when my Nan couldn’t be when lived in her own land of denial, even through the talk and my miserable state before I met Luc she was there.

Of course Luc was here now, but a boyfriend can never replace the shoes of your best friend, it just wasn’t the same. I wanted my best friend who I can talk to, and gush over boys with and just to have my best friend back. I knew that Luc got rid of my worry and hurt over our fight when he was around, he numbed it but at the end of the day it was always going to be there whether I liked it or not.

I knew that Stacey was right to a brutal and honest degree, I was a hypocrite. I had as soon as I met Luc and got stuck in the love struck, ga-ga phase and lost my touch with Stacey, I lost our bond and let it slip through my fingers. I sat there shouting at her and screaming at how she had abandoned me when in reality we had both abandoned each other. Hell, I didn’t even know her and Keith officially gotten together and I held a lot of regret, if I had been close maybe I could have warned her of him, maybe I could have prevented that and therefore we’d still be close. It was at the end of the day just as much as my fault as hers.

So what was holding me back?

It was a simple answer as to what was holding me back, and that was the boy that came with the package deal. Keith was what solely held me back, the man held secrets and that scared me, Stacey for all I knew could be right and they may not be bad. Yet right now dealing with what I am and my visions….it unsettled me, it left me unable to trust him completely and thus held me back from Keith.

A truly selfish and greedy part made me wish she had never met Keith, that I could get him out of the picture. Yet experiencing love with Luc – no matter the differences – I knew I couldn’t take that from Stacey, I couldn’t take it from her knowing how glorious it truly was and how heartbreaking it would be once she lost him. Right now I couldn’t see any negative impacts he was doing to her and he was making her happy so ‘till he did I wouldn’t pray for him to be lost and for them to split.