Gifts - Soul Mates from The Unbelievables

Gifts - Chp 36

It was only recent that for the first time I found strength to visit my parent’s graves’. It seems like an easier time, a distant time, since I had once lived such an easy life. I stood there for countless moments and I couldn’t bring myself to speak, what do I say to them? What do I ask? I was afraid that if I started I would not be able to stop, that I’d say these things I’d regret as I threw at them the blame. I’ve never felt more so alone and desolate in one, I stood there staring down at these fresh graves that are as fresh as my own wounds. How can life be so heartbreakingly torturous? Why does our Lord challenge us and thrust chaos upon us, what is it that he wants us to learn and realize? Surely there must be an easier way than to face such terrors. My parents left me stranded with all these responsibilities and unanswered nightmares, before I could stand because I still had my brothers and sisters to care for and my Lucille was there to keep me upon that surface. Now it is different, I stood there in that moment looking at their carved names and the cold stark blow of reality plunged into me and no one was there to pick me up. This pathetic dreamer I am believed that I’d wake up one day with my questions answered and my demons turning the other way. I believed I’d live in simpler days where if I did not have my parents strength and support I’d always have my Lucille to keep me strong and on my feet. Oh but I was wrong, she wasn’t there to pick me up off the freezing snow covered ground and I fear that I am drowning beyond the point of resuscitation. I fear greater that my Lucille shall read this, the words that could be of a now dead man as she realizes that he wasn’t always a strong man, but a man with a fragile heart that simply couldn’t hold on. If so, just so you know, that fragile heart was always yours my darling Lucille, always. – Jacob Iris

I opened the door, my head peering left and right as I stuck my face out around the corner. I held my breath, my eyes utterly hesitant and guarded as I thought of the worst possible scenario occurring; getting caught.

Taking a deep steady breath I opened the door before sliding outside, slithering out into the night. The freezing cold air sliced at my exposed skin, that being my face. I drew the heavy coat close to me, the length of it going well past my knees, I wrapped it around my entire body hoping its dark color would hide my white and baby blue gown and thus blend me in during this dark cold night.

It was snowing; it was rare for it to be snowing right here in the centre of France but I wasn’t belligerent. It just meant that everyone was locked indoors during this night and majority of all curled up in bed which gave me greater chance of walking by unknown.

Nevertheless it was utterly a beautiful and serene night, the snow glistening on the cobblestone streets and dancing on the distant hills. The snow glistened all over the place, it was truly marvelous and heart stealing and I suddenly longed that I had gone out today for tonight’s social dance.

It didn’t matter though because the very man that I wanted to be swept into the night dancing with close under the sprinkling of the snow wasn’t here. The man that I wanted to finally be able to curl into bed with during the cold winter nights couldn’t do that.

Yet that was all about to change.

I kept to the dark streets, the rather rough and vulgar streets with the scent of horse manure, alcohol and utter filth tickling my nose. The streets were beyond stomaching and I just wanted to turn back around into the safety of home. However I knew I couldn’t for what I had come to do. I promised myself that after today I wasn’t going to ever going walking in the back alleys, especially at night.

I tried with all my might to not screw my face up in utter mortification at the Fallen Women that stood outside in flimsy and the most mortifying gowns possible, or rather undergarments. How were they not chilled to the bone? They stood on the streets corners looking at me with disgust and treating me as if I was the grime on the bottom of their leather boots. At the end of the day I knew jealousy what was the reasoning behind those glances of utter hatred I viewed.