Gifts - Soul Mates from The Unbelievables

Gifts - Chp 38

I was in terror last night, the family to bed and I felt like one of those dangerous and tormented storms. Everywhere I went I sucked everything in; every drop of fear, trepidation, angst, nightmare and demon. It built upon me until I felt like I was to shatter like glass. I was in ruins and I hated that feeling of vulnerability. I have been living with such vulnerability for quite some time. No news from Lucille still and the terror ate at me like filthy beasts starved. I was having trouble sleeping as I feared the worst, I feared for a knock on my door as I was told grave news or an invitation in the mail of her wedding to be. Oh where had she gone? I had cleaned the rooms restlessly pacing and drifting, no thoughts seemed lucid. Elsie once again had left mothers coat upon the floor, she had taken to curling up to it by the fires hearth in winter for more warmth but comfort of mothers fading scent. I missed her too, but the sight of her curled up by the fire clutching the flimsy cloth bought a deeper pang to me than the thought of my deceased and forever gone parents. I had put the petticoat away in the closet full of the clothes they once upon a time used to live and breathe in. It was in a pocket of the coat of my father’s that I found it, on a crumbled and stained sheet of paper was an address scrawled down in what seemed haste. I am still unaccounted for which shocked me most, that the address was in Melbourne, the Victorian Colony of Australia. Or was it realizing the note was in the jacket my father had passed in? – Jacob Iris

I awoke with a silent gasp leaving my lips, my heart was racing and sweat was rising upon my forehead. I clutched my chest sitting upright in this giant bed, it was warm and soft but it seemed too warm, too soft. I was claustrophobic and I needed out, I needed to breathe and throw this nightmare – or vision maybe – aside for once in my life. I needed my freedom; I needed to escape – even for just a second – all these scary things that were haunting me.

I slid my feet out of the bed being extra cautious and aware of Lucas who was still sound asleep and spread out on the bed. The cool air hit my toasty body and I shivered relishing at how it shook me away from those scary thoughts even for just the faintest second. Creeping out of bed and to the door I opened it with a cringing face awaiting for the dreaded creak or squeak of sound that would awake not even Lucas but the household – there were Werewolves under this roof.

Freedom met me when I had stepped into the hall with the door closed and not even a sound. Feeling a lot less conscious I made my way down the hall, the cool floorboards and the chill was a waking me up. Reaching the bottom of the stairs I made my way into the kitchen ready to make somewhat of a feast for all of the three sleeping souls back in bed.

I felt like I needed to do this for multiple reasons, I needed to think and more importantly I needed to breathe. When stressing and needing to think I found that working on something, being practical whilst doing something I loved really helped and soothed me. It gave me the chance to sort through my thoughts and order them not to mention I loved cooking. Not to mention the thought of cooking bought this strong sense of normality to me, I craved some normality. I hadn’t hard normal in such a long time.

I liked cooking and right now I really needed to sort through all of my thoughts and fears, I couldn’t resort to tears every time something new and scary came to front, it was becoming clear to me that that is life, it’s scary and that never goes away. I need to come to terms with that, better yet I needed to find a way to strengthen myself up so the next time something came around to scare me I wouldn’t resort to tears.

I had certainly shed more than enough tears last night, with Lucas curled up behind me holding me tight I cried my eyes out for everything that kept knocking me down. I felt like there was such weight sitting on my stomach bringing me down as they strangled the life out of me, this veil of darkness smothering me.