Hetalia oneshots.

Iceland x Dying Depressed Reader: Always here.

WARNING: SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION IN THIS STORY. ALSO THE FEELS WILL COME HAUNT YOU. DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ!

Emil walked with his head down, mulling over his thoughts. Y/n had stopped talking to anyone, she would keep to herself at home with Arthur. According to Arthur he was trying to make her more 'ladylike', but Iceland thought she was fine just the way she was. Y/n was a serious punk/emo, almost constantly wearing black and thick eyeliner. She was really fun and easy to talk to as well, one of the only ones he felt understood him. And if he said he was not worried, he would be lying. Thoughts plagued his mind, on what could've happened to the sweet and rebellious Y/n. Perhaps she was injured and didn't want anyone to know? Emil wanted to believe that that was the case, however the growing pit in his stomach told him otherwise. He sped up slightly, wanting to get their faster, it still took him a while, but when he made it, he was ecstatic at what he saw. Actually he was so happy that he did a mental dance of happiness. Y/n was sat in the garden, drawing in a f/c drawing pad. "Y/n!" He cried out in joy. Y/n's head snapped upwards, and that was when he noticed the position she was in. Her once shiny e/c eyes, were now dull and lifeless, her gorgeous s/c skin, was a sickly pale, her bones were actually showing through the thin clothes she wore. Emil felt sick at the sight. "Y/n, what happened?" He asked her, failing to notice the fakeness of the smile she forced upon her face. "Nothing Emil, what brings you here?" Her voice was joyful, despite her obvious illness. Emil thought that she was just perhaps very ill. He felt like that would be enough to calm his jumping stomach. "I just wanted to check up on you. I haven't seen you in a while. Are you ill or something?" The smile became more forced upon Y/n's face, but he didn't notice. "Yeah, I didn't want anyone to worry or catch whatever I have, so I think it's be best if you just go home so you don't get ill too." Iceland nodded in agreement. "Okay Y/n, but if you need something, remember I'm always here." Y/n nodded slightly as he left her to her thoughts, "Yeah always here." She whispered to herself softly.

Y/n's POV

Fake smiles, forced laughs,  they have become a part of my daily life. I've been doing well so far with hiding it. The depression, I mean. I've become a master at hiding the tears that I want so badly to allow free. I think I've always been depressed, but it's gotten worse recently. Especially with Arthur telling me that I will never manage to be good enough for anyone if I can't even act like a proper lady. I'm never going to be able to be happy if I can't even act like everything's okay. I feel sorry for anyone that has to put up with me, especially Emil. I really really like Emil, but I can never be good enough for him. The picture I've been drawing is how I feel on the inside, depressed, alone, like the world would just forget me if I died. I have thought about suicide. Many times actually. I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm in too deep. It's like, I'm in the sea, and I went in too far away from the shore, and I'm struggling to breath and then suddenly a wave just washed over my body and I give up. I give up the flailing, the attempt to get back to shore. And then I just watch, as the world around me grows hazy and I fall down into the sea. But then eventually it has to stop. And when it does, it's like you've been relieved of all the pain, of all the useless emotion and thought that plague your mind with negativity about yourself, and it ends. And you're free. I like to think of my friends as the shore, and the sea as my depression. It starts of shallow, but then you dive in deeper and deeper until you can't find your way back to the life you had before. I've already scarred my skin, but I'm sure to make the scars where no one will see them. On my stomach mainly, but I have done a few on my legs. I just feel so alone, and it hurts because I know I shouldn't. I have Arthur, and Emil, and Lukas, and Matthias, and Berwald, and Tino and all the others. But yet I still feel alone. Perhaps it's because I know that the only reason that they put up with me is because I'm there. Yes, there. Always the one that's just there, the person who's trying so hard to make people like her by making herself seem natural and approachable and yet the only one that ever did was the person that she fell in love with knowing that she would never be worth his feelings. Perhaps I am over reacting, but that's what it feels like at times. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to just give up. Yeah, maybe that's it! Maybe that's the way to make people understand me! If I'm going to do that, it will have to be soon. Arthur will be home soon.I run out of the garden and into my bedroom, finding the piece of rope for emergencies, and tying it to my fan. I grab my chair and pull it up to my desk. If I'm going to die, I want to let everyone know why first. And so I write the letters, making sure each is individual. Everyone must know that it wasn't their fault. This is my decision, not theirs. I should write the first one to Arthur, after all, he has put up with me the longest out of all of them. 

Dear Arthur,
I'm so sorry I can't be who you want me to be. I failed you and I guess I couldn't deal with being a failure any longer. You are my big brother, and no matter what I will always love you. And, I hope that you live happily without me in the way.
Love Y/n.

Okay, now for Emil's. This is going to be hard.

Dear Emil,

Look, I know I'm not the best person ever. I'm not smart, I'm not strong, and I'm certainly not pretty. I don't understand why you would even take the time to say hello to me that day. With every hello, comes a goodbye. And I'm so sorry I'm saying it like this, but I love you. So much Emil, I guess I always have. Please don't be sad or something. This is my choice not yours.

Love Y/n.

I check the time. I don't have time for any more notes. I have to do it now otherwise Arthur will see me. I pull my chair up to where I made the noose. I stand up on the chair and place my head in the rope. I feel my heart beat faster as time goes on. I'll do it on the count of 3. 1, 2, 3. I pull the noose tight around my neck and kick the chair away. As an instinct, my hands move up to my throught. But then I realise. I want this. Wow, the world looks so pretty when it's swimming like this. "Always." I whisper before I fall unconscious. 

Emil's POV

My phone rings in my pocket, startling me out of my thoughts. I look at the contact name, and grow confused at the id. Why would Arthur be calling me? I answer the phone. "Hello, what's wrong?" Normally Arthur only calls me if he needs something important. "E-Emil," A choked sob  sounds on the other end and my heart beats uncontrollably in fear. "Yes,what's wrong?" I querie, keeping my voice level. "I-it's Y/n, s-she's dead. She left a letter for you. I think you should read it." Blood rushes to my ears, blocking out any sound. "H-How?" The words that next come out of his mouth are unexpected to me. "Suicide." I hang up and grab my coat of the rack. Racing to the front door of my house. Lukas stands in the living room choking Matthias. "Little Brother, why are you crying?" I reach up and touch my cheek, feeling it wet with tears. "Y-Y/n's dead." I choke out. Everyone in the room gasps in surprise. Y/n was our best friend after all. "Everyone get in the van." Berwald commands. We all do as he say, clambering into the car silently. The car ride is filled with sniffles and sobs. As we pull up at her house, I open the door and run into the building. I meet Arthur at the stair case, and he points sadly upwards. I nod and run towards her bedroom. Flinging the door open, my heart cracks into little pieces when I see her hanging there. A note is on the desk. I walk forward and pick it up in my trembling hands. 

Dear Emil,

Look, I know I'm not the best person ever. I'm not smart, I'm not strong, and I'm certainly not pretty. I don't understand why you would even take the time to say hello to me that day. With every hello, comes a goodbye. And I'm so sorry I'm saying it like this, but I love you. So much Emil, I guess I always have. Please don't be sad or something. This is my choice not yours.

Love Y/n.

I scream and drop to the floor. Why? I told her I would always be there for her. God dammit I loved her! "Y/n, please. Please tell me this is a dream. Just a horrible nightmare, PLEASE! Please I beg of you don't be dead. I said always right? I meant that! I love you! You're perfect! You're smart, you're strong, you're the most beautiful person ever! I said forever." I look around her room,, looking for a knife. If she's gone, then there is no point in living.