Note: If you don't want to read this chapter due to the lack of clarity in message and theme, you're welcome to skip this chapter and move on to the next one, or go read something else less melancholy. :)
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Keep your relationship private without keeping your partner a secret. There's a difference between privacy and secrecy. -- The Good Quote
I've been trying to word this poem in several ways
But it's hard to phrase them to sound like what I'm really trying to say
You might be hurt, confused, and I might be to blame
But even so, hopefully, after reading this, we'll still be the same
As a friend, I open my heart and thoughts to you in this one piece
Completely (I think) unfiltered and unedited
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He makes you laugh. He's there for you when you cry.
He's the only one that you'll let hug you without a fight.
You'd spend the whole day talking to him
Whether it may be on the phone, chatting, or through Skype
And (not) to everyone's surprise, he's the only one that makes you feel a special way
How long have you known him?
A long time.
Now. How long have you known me?
Possibly a longer time, but I won't get too ahead of myself.
Where am I going with this?
Well. Nothing important. Nothing special.
That's exactly how I feel.
Left out. Alone. After all we've been through.
Choose between me or him? I'd rather not find out the answer because I'd know who it would be.
But I tell myself it's fine. It's okay. It's not a big deal since I'm just overthinking.
Even so, here me out for just a few more seconds.
Because this isn't about me. It's about you and him.
You two are together? Well, no. Not really.
Since both of you won't or don't want to make it official
But deep down, everyone knows, even though you won't tell them
Yes, it's none of my business. I'm sorry. My bad.
But it still frustrates me.
You clearly have feelings more than friends
How hard is it to accept that and to change statuses?
But wait, let's take a step back.
Think about why you won't take a step forward.
Is it that other girl? Your parents? The distance? Your education?
Whatever it may be, it's probably not as legit and you may think or it may seem
You'll be doing long distance. Okay. So what?
You already spend 90% of your relationship online.
It won't make a difference, no offence, but that's really how it seems.
You think it won't last?
That's funny. You've managed to talk to each other every day for hours on end.
As if anything else is going to change that.
Parents? They already suspect you 'smiling at your phone' more and more often.
Scared of separation? Seriously, you're technically already separated by phone lines.
Your education? He's a genius. You're a genius. I highly doubt your IQ can get any lower.
So, what exactly are you waiting for?
Maybe it's just me, but might I just add, although I say I do,
But I really, really don't understand
If you're feelings are as real as you say they are
Then do something before it's too late
Before you can't do anything anymore
But, taking a wild guess, you're not mature enough, are you?
You're not ready, are you?
You won't talk about the future
Because you don't want to face it, even though it's right outside your door
You're ignoring the inevitable, and yet you refuse to have a serious discussion
I know. It's not how you handle it.
You're handling it just fine. For now?
Alright. Yes, it's harsh and blunt.
Alright. You might think labels are overrated. Unnecessary.
Well, sure. But so is keeping your feelings a "secret".
It may not be anybody's business, but if your closest friends already know
And are questioning it
Shouldn't you at least tell them?
But no. They don't dare ask because they know your answer.
"We're just friends."
And now, we're all more distant than ever.
Some secrets not told. Some truths and lies never revealed.
They'll find out years after our first graduation reunion
Either feeling wronged or feeling indifferent.
He's your happiness.
Not going to question it.
And I'd never want you to choose between him and your other friends.
But think, if we all were to break apart
Is keeping in contact with only him your priority?
But again, 'if we're true friends, we don't have to keep in contact all the time'
That's just the way it is, isn't it? No deny, the person most talked to is special
And I'll take another wild guess that no one else
Can replace this one special person
Now, through out this whole thing, I may sound like a complete bitch.
A whiner. Hiding behind a keyboard.
But I'm telling you now all that I never had the courage or chance to say.
Because it wasn't and isn't important.
It's many things to soak up all at once.
And you don't have to soak it up at all.
They're just words on a white background that meant something
But now don't really mean anything.
No action to be taken. No answer required.
You didn't ask for my opinion
But I said it anyway.
Don't think about it too much.
It wasn't any of my business.
It's just all I had to say.
