Have you ever wondered why your life wasn't as interesting, as adventurous as other people's lives?
Have you ever wanted your life to have the drama and action or thrill as what is happening in movies or TV series?
Have you ever wished that you had something more?
Well, I did. I still do. But maybe some things in movies or TV shows or soap operas are meant to stay fictional -- beyond reality. I love watching drama, other people's drama to be exact, and I certainly wished that I had more drama in my life as well. But not like this. No. This is too much. I hate it, and I wish I was never exposed to it. It has been kept a secret from me for so long, but now, I'm 18; I'm supposed to be able to understand. No, not understand, to deal with, this problem with maturity. And when I think about it, I just can't.
I'm still a child. I fear things, but these aren't monsters under the bed or in the closet. These are monsters that I see every day. It is a monster I see every day. Fortunately I don't see the dark side of this monster every day. That's why I fear it. Because when it does come out, it is more scary than monsters that show their dark side every single day.
This monster, is my dad.
Temper tantrums. Things flying across the room. Glass scattering and shattering
(The last part is probably just an over exaggeration, but you can catch my drift.)
When nothing sparks, a fluffy bear shows its face
Smiles, hugs, laughter. But I guess the happiest people are the scariest when they get angry
When a spark flies, anger, rage, yelling, screaming
That tone that causes chills to run down your spine; hairs standing up higher than ever
When I was a little kid, I don't have any memory of that ever happening
or maybe it was because I never dared or thought of talking back
Now that I'm older, I can reason. I have a collection of vocabulary that I can use against him.
I have comebacks that are logical and reasonable
They make sense. And yet why is it that the adult has temper tantrums and throws things around
And the 'child' has to be the one accepting that tantrum
Not to mention, the child has no way to stop it unless the child wants to get hurt
Hurt. Would a parent ever hurt a child?
Child abuse. If you're 18 and your guardian hits you, does that count as child abuse?
Am I still counted as a child?
I'm not saying he had hit me before, but it's a fear. A fear that I can't shake away
every time one of these rages come up
It's a fear that a child should never have because a parent's responsibility is to take care
of the child. Not strike fear into the child's heart and scar them for life.
Provoked. Everyone is. But it isn't right.
Adults tell children not to throw tantrums. Control your emotions. Breathe in and out.
Well fuck that, some adults think. We can do anything we want, some adults think.
We can use our money how we want to, some adults think.
And yet, some adults aren't thinking as logically as they think they are.
And yet, some children are forced to mature mentally, think more logically than some adults.
And yet, adults tell children to grow up, have your own opinion, have your own mind.
And yet, adults put boundaries on children and tell them to do this and that
still treating us like children, but expecting us to act like adults.
No, not adults. Act like them.
And if we don't follow orders, then they get mad. angry.
Well guess what, that's why I want to leave this place.
So I don't have to put up with it.
Random temper tantrums. The arguments. The unnecessary high expectations.
The fucking not substance crap.
Not everyone cares about the shit that some other people care about.
And it's fucking stupid to be angry that some other people care about shit you don't care about.
There is no right to get mad over something so superficial.
There.
I said it.
Without you getting mad.
Because if I say it to your face, you won't listen anyway.
And probably throw something again.
There.
I'm done.
