I like the cold; it numbs all of my senses so I don't feel pain. But that means I don't feel anything at all.
They ask me if I'm okay. If I don't mind. I don't want to mind. I don't want to make a big deal.
I'm trapped on an ice berg. No jacket. No fire to keep warm. No warmth from any other human being.
Some day I'll decide to dive. I'll dive into the frozen Pacific and swim all the way out into the middle.
For days, I'll float there. Contemplating. Should I continue swimming endlessly? Should I turn back to that ice berg? Or should I swim until I reach a new land?
I might be happier in that new land. It could be a warm beach. Maybe a tropical island. Still isolated though.
But at least there, I can feel something. I can feel the warmth that I've never felt before. Even if it's just my own warmth.
I'll bask in the sunlight and embrace the sun's kisses. And maybe then.
Maybe then, I'd understand what happiness is.
