H2O | ✔

Chapter Twenty-One : Hope = Disaster

Eventually, I brought myself to open some drawers in his desk, and turn over a couple books in a lame attempt to find whatever note he left behind—if it was really him that left it behind. For all we knew, it could be anything. Or that's what I told myself to make sure I didn't hope for something unrealistic again.

Hope was the thing that caused the most pain. Hoping he was all right when I got the call, hoping Mesi was all right when I got another, hoping, hoping, hoping things would turn out okay. When I hoped, that's when things went wrong. So I swore off hoping, it only caused disaster.

I ran my fingers over the books next to his bedside table. They were all ones I'd given him, suggestions or presents, but it looked like he hadn't cracked the spine of a single one. Sam wasn't much of a reader, much to my chagrin. I tried in vain for years to get him to enjoy life's one good pastime...aside from soccer and listening to Panic! At the Disco, of course.

My hand brushed a book that was bigger than the others, and I stooped to look at it without messing with the order or placement of the stack. Reading the spine, I saw that it was our last yearbook, the last one he was in. I pulled it from the bottom gently and opened it to a random page as I took a seat on the floor.

I started by finding Sam's picture. He always took good yearbook pictures, and I was always envious of it. Not that it's the biggest deal, but he used to tease me on my various screw-ups. When I found his picture, I stopped. Next to it, was a cut-out of Mesi's school portrait with a heart around her face—how cheesy, Sam. He wrote around them—on top of other people's faces—things about her, and them, and their relationship. Their song, "Tear In My Heart" by Twenty One Pilots (which I always thought was a bit weird to be a couple's song) was written in big block letters in neon green marker, and the date of their anniversary penciled on top of Clarisse Campbell's photograph.

I flipped to my name next, out of curiosity. All around my picture were clippings from the newspaper about the soccer team, and me as the captain, and the two of us being the dynamic duo of the team. There was a picture of us that I remembered being on the front page of the local Winter Hills Times where Sam and I were standing on the field after we'd won our division finals game, and Sam's arm was around me while I held the trophy in air like it was Simba and I was Rafiki. He and I had the biggest smiles on our faces, happy as I can ever remember us being.

"Find anything?"

I snapped the book shut in surprise and scrambled to stand up. "Uh, no, nothing," I fumbled to Mesi, who stood in the doorway, eyeing me intently.

"All right!" she chirped, turning on her heel. "Well, Ryan and I didn't find anything either, so we're going to leave before his parents get home. You coming?" she whirled back around to ask me.

I nodded curtly. "Yeah, I'll be right down."

I waited for Mesi to travel down the stairs before I grabbed the backpack I'd taken with me and stuffed the yearbook inside.

...

As I walked to math class, I had my head buried in the stolen book. Sam had notes around just about every friend of his's name. There was Gabe and Jake and Lucy and Jess and so many others.

"Oh, sorry! Wait, Xander, is that you?" I looked up when someone bumped into me on the stairs going to the third floor, where a lot of the foreign language classes were held.

My eyes landed on a petite girl with beautiful chocolate skin and big brown eyes and cheeks that were just begging to be pinched. "Hey, Lucy. Haven't seen you in a while."

She lit up when I said her name, like she didn't think I would remember her. Maybe she had a point. After Sam died, I stopped talking to a lot of people and was only just getting in touch with them again, if at all. "I know! How's life been?"

I sighed, thinking about all that had happened since I saw her last. I wasn't really sure how to voice the way I was feeling about how my life had been going, and I think Lucy could see that, because she just started talking again without waiting for me to answer.

"My life has been okay. Cate and I are doing well, we just had our six-month anniversary on Saturday!"

I'd completely forgotten that she and Cate were dating. How could I possibly forget that? I mean, I was there for the whole thing—and quite involved in the process. I felt bad for forgetting such an important detail.

"Really?" I tried to sound enthusiastic. I was happy for them, really, but as happy as I was for them, I was still upset about everything else that was going on. Going into Sam's room had me really shaken up. "That's great."

"Yeah..." Lucy looked up at me with a questioning gaze, but seemed to think better of asking whatever it was that was on her mind. "So how's Mesi doing?"

I think I choked on my own spit at that. "She's—," I cleared my throat,"she's...I don't know, Mesi. She's been through a lot."

Lucy stopped when we came to her next class. She put her hand on my shoulder and the concern in her eyes was so real, and it comforted me to know someone cared. "You have too, Xander. Don't forget to take care of yourself." With that, she entered her ninth period Spanish class.

I continued on to French.

A/N: So here's another chapter! I know, I am a terrible author for taking so long to get it up--AGAIN--and you guys deserve better. But here is for all of y'all who chose to stick with me regardless. But now it's summer, so hopefully I'll be able to update a lot more! YAY!

Also, I want to thank you guys for getting me to 6k reads! It's not about the reads--like I say every time--but it still feels nice to know enough of you like my book! SO THANK YOU!

I hope you guys have had a good time while I've been AWOL taking exams and being forced to participate in the Memorial Day Parade as part of the marching band (it was HELL, way too hot to be forced to wear pants). And, yeah, just keep being amazing and I'll see you again soon!

P.S. I APOLOGIZE but this chapter is currently unedited. Let me know if you see any mistakes (I know they're out there--lots of them!)

P.P.S. Oh! And that video at the top is there because I'm going to try to do that thing where the author chooses a song to go with the chapter. Soooo, I hope you enjoy! (Sorry for the long A/N)